On Resource Management

I've had three different instances with three different people in the last couple of days and they've helped me realize something very important.

My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.

Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.

But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.

See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.

The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.

Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.

Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.

And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.

That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.

Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D

Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.

No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.

Ramblings on depression

I've been dealing with some nearly-debilitating back pain with no apparent medical cause, so I started googling, wondering just what my back pain might be trying to tell me. The answer, over and over again, was depression. Not the "too sad to smile" kind, but the overly-perfectionistic paralyzing kind. It all fits, but I'm unsure what to do about it. I can see, at least on some level, that my thought patterns are not helpful, but they seem so very logical, which makes it hard to combat them. Does that make any sense at all?

And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.

It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).

But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.

Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!

I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).

*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine

There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!

So much to say and do!

I don't even know where to start.

School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.

So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.

I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.

So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.

And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!

I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.

A Quick Fly-By

1. My reunion was really fun.
2. Mom only made me slightly nuts while we were up there. She made up for it by driving me crazy once I got home.
3. The kids are on their way to insulin pumps. In true kid-fashion, they've chosen two different pumps.
4. There's only 4 weeks left of summer! AHHHHHH!!!! So much I still want to do with the kids and the house!
5. Max is now 8 months old and will be spayed tomorrow.
6. My kids like variety in their lives.....the girls are taking tennis lessons, music lessons and swim lessons. Tristan wants to play soccer again, plus music and swim lessons.
7. Me to Alana "Let's go to the library this afternoon." Alana "NO! I don't like to read books during the summer. (and in her most condescending tone) It's a VACATION!" Yeah, her teacher is going to love me.

Honorable Mention!!

I'm surprised, truly. I didn't think my poem was all that great, but it earned an Honorable Mention, and since they only give 1st place and one HM in each category, that's pretty good!

So now I'm being brave and posting the poem for your enjoyment. Please be gentle.

First, the photo and a little context. This is a picture of a smelter and its smoke stacks that used to stand in Murray, UT. The smelter was torn down years and years ago, leaving only the stacks. It took at least a year of wrangling for the city to be able to take the stacks down. They were crumbling and full of pollutants that needed to be managed, but there was opposition, too, from people who saw them as a symbol of Murray, a part of history that needed to be preserved, etc. They eventually came down, and now there's a TRAX station (commuter train) and a state-of-the-art hospital in the area where the smelter used to be.

And now the poem. Like I said, please be gentle....

Progress

Against the back drop
Of the pristine Wasatch Mountains
Murray’s smoke stacks
Pierce the sky
Concrete spires in the Church of Progress
Now mostly forgotten relics of a bygone era
Once industrious, belching acrid smoke into the atmosphere
Producing our progress
Devil’s horns marking our time
And our exploitation of this precious land
Now silent; watchful
Now gone; forgotten
We know better
Or do we?

Progress at a price
Paid by our planet
Paid by our community
Do you know your neighbors?
Do they care for you?
And you for them?
“Preserve the past”
Some say.
“Hold on to our history.”
“Make room for newer, bigger, better”
Say others
In the end, the stacks live no more.
Progress
And we are as isolated as our snowy mountain peaks.

Submitted

and I'm so nervous! What if they hate my work? Other people are reading my story and my poem and that scares me senseless!

See, I'm pretty thin-skinned about this right now, so that's part of it, but let's be realistic.....If they hate it, I'll NEVER KNOW. I just won't win the competition. I'll never see any critiques or comments, never know if they hate my main character.

Side note/thought: Since I wrote in first person, maybe that's why I'm so nervous? The story is mine, and it's about ME. Not really, of course, being set in a mining town many many years ago, but still....I put a lot of me and mine into it.

In spite of all of this churning, I'm really proud of myself for doing it. I took a HUGE leap and I liked it! LOL!

Writing again

and it feels REALLY good! I've never done much fiction writing, so this is a stretch for me. I'm glad, however, that I did NOT enter the non-fiction category as the photo cue would've thrown me for a loop.

It started to throw me for a loop in the fiction category too, but I think I've got a pretty good story going. We'll see what I think of it in the morning.

It was fun to let it ruminate for a bit, and then the writing bug got ahold of me and that was that. I started with scrawlings in a notebook....setting, time, charactors, and so forth. But what could be the problem my charactors have to overcome? And how? And how do I flesh it out in just 4000 words?!

My WIP is decent, I think, though it feels a bit cheesy. Perhaps that's the constraints of the time and word count? There's so much more I'd like to do with it! Now it needs a title. Ugh!