As I mentioned in my previous post, MIL's health is failing.
She broke a hip a few weeks ago. During the surgery, they discovered bone cancer. It is also in her stomach and the lymph nodes. I strongly suspect that it started in the stomach, but who knows? FIL has opted for a round of chemotherapy because MIL can't come home until the break heals and it won't heal while the cancer is still there. While this is probably not a choice I would make, I understand why he did, and I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it.
Enter the family and all of their opinions. One SIL, the one who's married to the PITB-Presbyterian-Minister-BIL, has decided that FIL is verging on incompetent. I need to back up just a bit and tell you about this family. They live about 12 hours away from the Outlaws. PITB BIL's mother lives about 2 hours from the Outlaws and 1 hour from us. This family has visited PITB BIL's mother without calling us or the Outlaws on more than one occasion. They probably see the Outlaws once a year, but complain about how the family doesn't make efforts to see them or stay connected. Apparently that road is supposed to go one way--TO them. It is especially hurtful to us because we HAVE made the effort to see them, and they still snub us when they visit BIL's mother.
This SIL (PW SIL) came out to see her parents this week. She seemed convinced that MIL is on her deathbed. DH and I believe that MIL is dying, but probably not for a few months at least. PW SIL has also decided that FIL may not be competent to care for MIL and make decisions for her. She's basing this on two things. First, FIL doesn't know what stage MIL's cancer is in. I don't know that it matters once it's in the lymph nodes. The doctor may not have told him. He might not have asked. So what?
The second reason she states for FIL's incompetence is that he's "in denial" about MIL's condition. He is still planning for her to come home. We don't believe she ever will, but this is a process. To me, it's analogous to not really seeing how much your own child has grown because it happens so gradually, but when you see someone else's child you're astonished by how tall they are. FIL hasn't seen how much MIL is deteriorating because it's happened gradually over the last couple of years. PW SIL says "He's in denial and WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. I'm a pastor's wife. I see this all the time." Yeah, okay sweetie.
And there's the emotional part of this too. The Outlaws have been married for over 60 years and FIL has been taking care of MIL for decades, really. He's not ready to think about her not calling home, but he's a rational, reasonable man, so he'll get there. He's doing the best he can and he's doing a pretty decent job under these difficult circumstances.
DH and I both said "Good luck with that conversation" to PWSIL. That's not going to go well. To make matters even more interesting, PITB BIL is arriving today. He sees himself as a spiritual leader and expert and we should all listen to whatever he has to say, follow his advice, and live our lives the way he tells us to. You can imagine what we think of that! LOL! He treats FIL with the same paternal arrogance.
I'm popping the popcorn for this.
