On Resource Management

I've had three different instances with three different people in the last couple of days and they've helped me realize something very important.

My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.

Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.

But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.

See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.

The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.

Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.

Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.

And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.

That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.

Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D

Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.

No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.