So much to say and do!

I don't even know where to start.

School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.

So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.

I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.

So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.

And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!

I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.