I've been dealing with some nearly-debilitating back pain with no apparent medical cause, so I started googling, wondering just what my back pain might be trying to tell me. The answer, over and over again, was depression. Not the "too sad to smile" kind, but the overly-perfectionistic paralyzing kind. It all fits, but I'm unsure what to do about it. I can see, at least on some level, that my thought patterns are not helpful, but they seem so very logical, which makes it hard to combat them. Does that make any sense at all?
And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.
It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).
But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.
Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!
I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).
*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine
There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!
One of my friends has recently gone through some very traumatic financial issues. Basically, having to pick which bills to pay, cos they weren't all going to get paid. In trying to be responsible, he cut out all "extras". No eating out, no buying candy/sweets things that weren't "necessary" for getting buy.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with this was that as well as being depressed from being overwhelmed by bills, he never budgeted in any "treats" at ALL. Sure, he couldn't well build a "$500 luxury weekend vacation" into the budget, but buying his favorite brand of tea for $5 *could* be built in and it was enough of a pick-me-up that it made grocery shopping tolerable. A "treat" he could give himself that wasn't completely going to break the bank.
You need to budget "treats" of your own - not financially, but time wise. You NEED to schedule in "Me time" - maybe it's 1/2 hour of scrapbooking (or, if you're like me and 1/2 isn't going to cut it, maybe an hour and a half per week instead of 1/2 hr per day.)
We need to be "rewarded" - we need down time. People laugh in disdain when they are first married about scheduling sex or date nights, but when you get further into a marriage and responsibilities pile up, we know how important it is to make time for our partners - even if that means "scheduling" it. That goes for taking care of YOURSELF, too.
You'll be surprised how much more enthusiastic you are about tackling the "hafta" stuff if you include some "wanna" in your day. Balance is key, of course, and just like my friend with the money troubles, you're on a "time" budget, so you can't just splurge every weekend and blow off everything, but you CAN make time for YOU.
Find joy in life. The dishes, the laundry, the dusting the vacuuming, the meetings, the church projects, the neighborhood involvement - they're all important. But they're only pieces to the big puzzle and no matter how "perfect" you make those pieces, if you forget to link them with the other parts of YOU, you're not completing the picture.
Love you much. :) I'll send you some yummy wine when Dan gets paid and you can take a Sunday evening to sip wine and scrapbook. *hugs*