Back to your regularly scheduled update.......
Thanksgiving was a little weird, since we arrived home late on Wednesday night. It was quite the shock to return from the beautiful weather in Florida (it was 85 degrees when we left) and land here in Salt Lake were it was only 12. Weather whiplash!
So, Thursday, we went to the church for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a potluck, with turkey and side dishes. I made gluten-free gravy so Shannon would have some for her potatoes. I also made devilled eggs because Alana loves them, and then brought some mashed potatoes from Dream Dinners. The meal was good, but it was over quite quickly, without a lot of conversation or hanging out or whatever. It just didn’t feel like Thanksgiving.
December, truly, was a blur. There were concerts for the kids, church programs, shopping, wrapping and mailing. I did two gift cards for family members and neither one of them arrived when they were supposed to. That was annoying, to say the least. My sister and I exchanged stockings, like we usually do, and that is always fun. My “big” gift was a new digital camera and I’m having fun with that. Tristan got an iPod. Shannon got a new viola case, and Alana got an American Girl Doll bed (well, the Target knock-off, anyway) and some pink Legos. The girls also got AG tents and some clothing for their dolls too. The kids all got clothes, too, and for the first time, opening boxes of new clothing was NOT a disappointment.
Christmas really brought it home that Shannon is not in any hurry to grow up. She asked for American Girl Doll things and those were her favorite presents. My mom got her a make-up bag full of make-up, which she experimented with, but promptly put away (tossed under the sink is more accurate). She’s now saving her money to buy another Webkinz, for instance, when most of her friends have completely outgrown such toys. I suppose, as much as Shannon is leading Alana into more grown-up things, perhaps Alana is holding Shannon back in her childhood. I can’t say that I’m sad about that.
I got Bruce a nice overcoat for church that he’s never worn. *sigh* And, of course, I have no idea if he likes it or not, and it’s now hanging in our closet. The return policy at the store was only 30 days, so I can’t return it. Shopping for him is such a challenge!
My parents came for a visit in the week between Christmas and New Year’s. It was a rather boring visit, sadly. The weather was our typical freezing cold, which left us not wanting to go anywhere. We did some shopping, but the weather forced us out of that as well. And, of course, mom drove me nuts more than once. She’s a challenge to shop with, for starters. When she’s finished shopping, it’s time to go, regardless of whether or not I’m finished. Then, at Shopko, we tried a few things on. She got to the dressing room before I did, and therefore was finished before I was. So, rather than wait a couple of minutes for me, she went off to shoes. I followed and found some shoes on sale (really cute sandals!). But, by then, Mom was done so she went on to housewares….and so forth. It was enough to make me want to shoot her!
The worst from that visit was a comment she made about my sister. But, I’m getting off-track with the synopsis, and this story actually leads to some pretty interesting revelations that I’ve been pondering and trying to solve so I’ll save it for later.
January arrived, cold and icky. Salt Lake, by some geographical coincidence or accident or perhaps just poor planning, is nestled at the base of a mountain range. When the weather is clear for too long, be it winter or summer, we get into some nasty air issues because all of the pollution settles against the mountains. There’s really no place for it to go, making our air some of the worst in the nation at times. It happens in other cities around the world in similar geographic locations. So it’s cold, the days are short, and the sky is hazy. I often joke that the air is so thick we can chew it.
In the midst of this nastiness, Bruce went to Guam on a business trip. He was gone for 12 days. Now, the trip was not a picnic for him, in many ways, but juggling my two-parent/two-drivers life as just one person about made me crazy! Bruce had to travel 25 hours each direction, and he wound up working nights while he was over there too. It was exhausting for him. But he also had time to enjoy local cuisine, like fresh fish, as in “it’ll be a few minutes, we’re still cleaning the Catch of the Day.” He brought us home lots of goodies, including some beautiful jewelry for me and several t-shirts for all of us.
Prior to Bruce’s trip, I spent the weekend with a friend (hi again, Trish!), helping her get things going for her upcoming wedding. It was lots of fun to spend time with my dearest friend, go fabric shopping, give my opinion on hair styles and sparkly things, and so forth. It was also pure joy to have a hotel room all to myself! On Sunday, I slept until 11:00 am and then took myself to Sonic for breakfast. Such luxury!
With my travel and his travel and our crazy schedules, Bruce and I barely see each other. He got home on a Friday morning, so we were able to spend part of that day together, and we’re really coming to treasure his Fridays off (he has every other Friday off) because we can spend some time together without being interrupted constantly by children and their needs, their stories, their fighting! However, the writing’s on the wall, and I won’t be surprised when things at work get busy again and he needs to go to work on those days too. The overtime pay is nice, don’t get me wrong, but I miss my husband!
Okay, so now we’re into February. Life really is good, mostly. It’s that time of the year when I want to hibernate, though I am noticing that the days are getting longer. It’s no longer full-on dark when I take the junior high kids to school at 7:20 every morning. It’s still cold, though, and I am *always* cold. Give me a cup of tea and my Snuggie (a Christmas present), plus my space heater and my laptop and I may never come out! Too bad there are short people around who need rides and food and such.
In other kid news, Tristan is now shaving. He came home from the youth retreat last weekend and asked his dad to show him how. When I started taking pictures, I was specifically told that I was NOT to put them in any scrapbook or send them to the grandparents (either set) or…..well, you get the idea. I did take one photo with my cell phone, which again earned me the litany of people I would NOT be sharing it with. He was okay with me sending it to Aunt Melly, though.
Tristan is also now working, at a REAL job. He’s working with me at Dream Dinners, mostly washing dishes. He’ll get his Food Handler’s Permit on Monday and then he’ll be doing some of the food prep. It’ll be a while before he feels comfortable with customers, and that’s okay. There are PLENTY of dishes for him to wash. He had to interview with my boss, and when she asked him why he wanted to work there, he said “Because my mom works here, and it seems like a nice place to be.” Oh, and he “likes food.” I told him that, in his next interview, he probably shouldn’t mention his mother, but it was cute. I was fully expecting my mother to get all weird about this and how he’s just a kid, but she didn’t. Really, that woman is hard to figure out. He’s too young to be left home while Bruce and I go on a date, but he’s apparently old enough to be paying into FICA. Okey-dokey mom. I suppose I’ll be happier when I stop trying to figure her out.
So there you have it. The last 4 months of my life, summed up in two very long-winded posts. I still have several posts I'm working on in my head, about my crazy life, my crazy mother, and my crazy spending habits. Hopefully, those will be a bit more interesting than this was! :-)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
4 Months?!
Yeah, yeah....
A friend (Hi Trish!) showed me this page and told me that she uses it to keep track of my inner-most thoughts and feelings. She uses it as a guide as to just how much she should be worried about me. Um, ok-aaay....I'm feeling a bit cyber-stalked.
Not really, of course, as this friend (Hi again, Trish!) truly is one of my dearest bestest friends in the world. And we talk/text/Facebook often enough that she's able to keep up with me.
And maybe that's the problem. I've fallen victim to the instantcy of our world (yes, I know, that's a made up word). Facebook is so much easier. Texting can happen anywhere. But it's also so superficial. I don't link my blog to Facebook because this is a more private space; a space where I can share things that I can't share as publically. I've got neices and nephews on FB; cousins, church friends (and aquaintances), classmates and CM clients. I can't vent there about the latest crazy that my mother has pulled (it's a doozy!). But blogging takes time, and introspection, one of which is in scarce supply, and the other I'm avoiding.
So, here's a quick (yeah, right) synopsis of the last four months (are we sure it's really been that long?!)
September--The kids both got insulin pumps. In their normal fashion, they each chose a different pump. I have to say, though, that I really think they each made the best choice for themselves and I'm proud of the way they handled the decision-making process. Shannon also got braces.
We painted our kitchen, in an effort to hate it less. It really does look good and I'm so glad we did it. WE have grand plans for that room, but any major kitchen renovations would wind up taking over most of the main floor of the house and we can't afford that right now. So, we're doing the little things to update while we save our pennies.
During that process, Max got into the mouse bait that was under the kitchen sink. She ate more than enough to kill her. And, being Labor Day weekend, yeah.....thank Heaven's for emergency vets, even if it did cost us $300, plus another $75 lab test later. Note to pet owners out there: read the packaging on pest control products....there's usually a note to doctors/veterinarians about accidental ingestation. One thing I learned is that the "blood thinner" poison/bait is the easiest to treat, so when the mice moved in this winter, that's the bait I got.....and, of course, we were MUCH more careful about where we put it.
October brought Croptoberfest, which is one of my favorite CM events. I love having clients/customers/friends in my home working on their albums. I get pretty passionate about it. Alana received her 3rd grade Bible (it's a tradition in the United Methodist Church). Alana also skated in the Halloween Ice Show at the ice rink. She was the cutest black cat!
Shannon reinjured her foot, going back to spring of 2008, so we wound up at the podiatrist. After x-rays and an MRI, it seems there was a very deep bruise on one of the little bones in her foot and the doctor ordered her back into her boot and onto crutches for 6 weeks.
Our church camping group went down to Snow Canyon State Park near St. George, UT and I rented a wheelchair for Shannon. Bruce wasn't so interested in the chair, but come to find out, he's never been on crutches so he hasn't the foggiest idea what that's like. Turns out it was a good idea after all as the restroom nearest to us was closed, so the closest one was quite a hike down the way. We also drove into Las Vegas to go to the Disney Outlet store (disappointing), and again, I was glad we had the chair. We made quite the procession, going through the mall with Max in her vest and Shannon in her chair!
We drove down the strip, but never really found a place to park, so we didn't get out and walk. It was still pretty impressive. I felt like the gawking tourist I was, though, pointing up at the Colluseum, the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty. There were even "canals" and "gondolas" at the Venitian! I'd forgotten that prostitution is legal in Vegas, so the people on the street wearing shirts that said "Girls to you in 20 minutes" came as a bit of a surprise!
For Halloween, Alana was the only child still young enough to dress up, and she went through a range of ideas, including an obscure Pokemon and an ice-skating vampire, before settling on a vampire bride. Shannon and a friend took their younger sisters around the neighborhood, and the older kids made out like bandits. Shannon's friend would go to the door with the girls and say "My friend's out there in a wheelchair...." and the neighbor would load them up! Sneaky little stinkers!
November--DisneyWORLD!!! It seems like we spent all year gearing up for that trip and it was SO much fun! There were a few moments that were frustrating or disappointing, but overall, it was a grand vacation. I had a blast looking for "Hidden Mickeys" throughout the parks. We went on most of the roller coasters, though there is not enough money in the world to get me onto the Tower of Terror. Alana, however, is grinning from ear to ear in the photo. My sister introduced me to the fun of "roller coaster posing" and most of my souvenir money went toward pictures taken on various rides.
The food was good (mostly), and I was THRILLED with the way they handled Shannon's gluten-free needs. Our first meal in the park was at Cinderella's Royal Table and the chef came out, put his hand on Shannon's shoulder and said "Now, what can we make for you today, Princess?" Both Melany and I got tears in our eyes. Everywhere we went, it was like that. It was an amazing attitude of "how can we make this a magical vacation for this young lady" rather than any negativity at all. And they knew their stuff! They'd bring a container of butter just for Shannon to avoid cross-contamination, and one restaurant knew that the immitation maple syrup might have gluten in it, so he sent out a little jar of the real stuff. They made her gluten-free Mickey Mouse waffles, just like the rest of us were eating. They'd offer her gluten-free desserts, usually pre-packaged, and they'd encourage us to take the extras with us for later (I realize that they probably would've had to throw them away, but still!). At one little walk-up hamburger stop, Bruce asked if they had gluten-free buns (if not, we'd just ask for hers without a bun), and the manager personally made her burger for her. I imagine that some of that is that the managers have had more training on the subject so they handle it, but it just felt so special and kind.
Shannon had been cleared to come off crutches, but she still had to wear her boot for awhile, so the doctor recommended a "knee walker" for Shannon because Disney World is HUGE! It's like a scooter, but not. I'll have to post pictures of it. While chatting with Pinnochio, he took it for a spin, and at one of the character breakfasts, Stitch took off with it, riding it through the restaurant.
And we'll have to stop there as life is calling my name. Hopefully I can get back to this later this week.
A friend (Hi Trish!) showed me this page and told me that she uses it to keep track of my inner-most thoughts and feelings. She uses it as a guide as to just how much she should be worried about me. Um, ok-aaay....I'm feeling a bit cyber-stalked.
Not really, of course, as this friend (Hi again, Trish!) truly is one of my dearest bestest friends in the world. And we talk/text/Facebook often enough that she's able to keep up with me.
And maybe that's the problem. I've fallen victim to the instantcy of our world (yes, I know, that's a made up word). Facebook is so much easier. Texting can happen anywhere. But it's also so superficial. I don't link my blog to Facebook because this is a more private space; a space where I can share things that I can't share as publically. I've got neices and nephews on FB; cousins, church friends (and aquaintances), classmates and CM clients. I can't vent there about the latest crazy that my mother has pulled (it's a doozy!). But blogging takes time, and introspection, one of which is in scarce supply, and the other I'm avoiding.
So, here's a quick (yeah, right) synopsis of the last four months (are we sure it's really been that long?!)
September--The kids both got insulin pumps. In their normal fashion, they each chose a different pump. I have to say, though, that I really think they each made the best choice for themselves and I'm proud of the way they handled the decision-making process. Shannon also got braces.
We painted our kitchen, in an effort to hate it less. It really does look good and I'm so glad we did it. WE have grand plans for that room, but any major kitchen renovations would wind up taking over most of the main floor of the house and we can't afford that right now. So, we're doing the little things to update while we save our pennies.
During that process, Max got into the mouse bait that was under the kitchen sink. She ate more than enough to kill her. And, being Labor Day weekend, yeah.....thank Heaven's for emergency vets, even if it did cost us $300, plus another $75 lab test later. Note to pet owners out there: read the packaging on pest control products....there's usually a note to doctors/veterinarians about accidental ingestation. One thing I learned is that the "blood thinner" poison/bait is the easiest to treat, so when the mice moved in this winter, that's the bait I got.....and, of course, we were MUCH more careful about where we put it.
October brought Croptoberfest, which is one of my favorite CM events. I love having clients/customers/friends in my home working on their albums. I get pretty passionate about it. Alana received her 3rd grade Bible (it's a tradition in the United Methodist Church). Alana also skated in the Halloween Ice Show at the ice rink. She was the cutest black cat!
Shannon reinjured her foot, going back to spring of 2008, so we wound up at the podiatrist. After x-rays and an MRI, it seems there was a very deep bruise on one of the little bones in her foot and the doctor ordered her back into her boot and onto crutches for 6 weeks.
Our church camping group went down to Snow Canyon State Park near St. George, UT and I rented a wheelchair for Shannon. Bruce wasn't so interested in the chair, but come to find out, he's never been on crutches so he hasn't the foggiest idea what that's like. Turns out it was a good idea after all as the restroom nearest to us was closed, so the closest one was quite a hike down the way. We also drove into Las Vegas to go to the Disney Outlet store (disappointing), and again, I was glad we had the chair. We made quite the procession, going through the mall with Max in her vest and Shannon in her chair!
We drove down the strip, but never really found a place to park, so we didn't get out and walk. It was still pretty impressive. I felt like the gawking tourist I was, though, pointing up at the Colluseum, the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty. There were even "canals" and "gondolas" at the Venitian! I'd forgotten that prostitution is legal in Vegas, so the people on the street wearing shirts that said "Girls to you in 20 minutes" came as a bit of a surprise!
For Halloween, Alana was the only child still young enough to dress up, and she went through a range of ideas, including an obscure Pokemon and an ice-skating vampire, before settling on a vampire bride. Shannon and a friend took their younger sisters around the neighborhood, and the older kids made out like bandits. Shannon's friend would go to the door with the girls and say "My friend's out there in a wheelchair...." and the neighbor would load them up! Sneaky little stinkers!
November--DisneyWORLD!!! It seems like we spent all year gearing up for that trip and it was SO much fun! There were a few moments that were frustrating or disappointing, but overall, it was a grand vacation. I had a blast looking for "Hidden Mickeys" throughout the parks. We went on most of the roller coasters, though there is not enough money in the world to get me onto the Tower of Terror. Alana, however, is grinning from ear to ear in the photo. My sister introduced me to the fun of "roller coaster posing" and most of my souvenir money went toward pictures taken on various rides.
The food was good (mostly), and I was THRILLED with the way they handled Shannon's gluten-free needs. Our first meal in the park was at Cinderella's Royal Table and the chef came out, put his hand on Shannon's shoulder and said "Now, what can we make for you today, Princess?" Both Melany and I got tears in our eyes. Everywhere we went, it was like that. It was an amazing attitude of "how can we make this a magical vacation for this young lady" rather than any negativity at all. And they knew their stuff! They'd bring a container of butter just for Shannon to avoid cross-contamination, and one restaurant knew that the immitation maple syrup might have gluten in it, so he sent out a little jar of the real stuff. They made her gluten-free Mickey Mouse waffles, just like the rest of us were eating. They'd offer her gluten-free desserts, usually pre-packaged, and they'd encourage us to take the extras with us for later (I realize that they probably would've had to throw them away, but still!). At one little walk-up hamburger stop, Bruce asked if they had gluten-free buns (if not, we'd just ask for hers without a bun), and the manager personally made her burger for her. I imagine that some of that is that the managers have had more training on the subject so they handle it, but it just felt so special and kind.
Shannon had been cleared to come off crutches, but she still had to wear her boot for awhile, so the doctor recommended a "knee walker" for Shannon because Disney World is HUGE! It's like a scooter, but not. I'll have to post pictures of it. While chatting with Pinnochio, he took it for a spin, and at one of the character breakfasts, Stitch took off with it, riding it through the restaurant.
And we'll have to stop there as life is calling my name. Hopefully I can get back to this later this week.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Taking care of me?
Okay, so I've been doing some reading, in between the craziness, and it seems I really need to take better care of myself.
However, I don't have the foggiest idea what that looks like.
Really.
I mean, I get that I probably should exercise more and sleep more and eat better, but really, what does it look like to take care of ME?
Any insights?
However, I don't have the foggiest idea what that looks like.
Really.
I mean, I get that I probably should exercise more and sleep more and eat better, but really, what does it look like to take care of ME?
Any insights?
Friday, August 27, 2010
On Resource Management
I've had three different instances with three different people in the last couple of days and they've helped me realize something very important.
My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.
Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.
But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.
See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.
The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.
Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.
Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.
And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.
That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.
I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.
Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D
Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.
No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.
My time is precious. And it needs to be managed as closely as I manage my money. The thing is, though, that it needs to be managed, marshalled, protected even more than my money. Because, while I can make more money, I cannot make more time, no matter how hard I try. The same is true of my energy. And it applies to my family's time and energy too.
Suddenly, it seems easier to say no to things. I generally have no difficulty saying no to things that are money-wasters. So why do I have trouble saying no to time-wasting activities? Mommy-guilt is the short answer.
But I'm working on rethinking things. The truth is that, when we're over-committed, the family doesn't function well. We're all stressed out, short-tempered and life isn't good.
See, here's the thing. Our church has a number of fantastic opportunities for our young people. There's youth group that meets every Sunday evening. There's Scouts, including Venture Scouts that welcomes girls 14 and up. There's Wesley Bell Ringers for high school kids, from 9th grade up, or Asbury bells for junior high kids. There's a children's choir and Praise Band. With those activities, we could have one family member at church all day on Sunday and every day during the week.
The youth go on a mission trip every summer, usually to an orphanage in 3rd World Mexico. The Bell Ringers (Wesleys) go on a tour every summer. Those trips last 7-10 each. And they cost money. Money that has to be raised, generally through church fundraisers. And it's my kids who have their hands out for this or that.
Lately I've been feeling a bit pestered by the youth leader. She's very single-minded about youth events, and there are a lot of them. This is a good thing, at times. Our youth program needs someone with a passion for youth. She has their best interests at heart. But she's also, as I said, single-minded. And she's disorganized to boot, which drives me crazy. Because of her focus, she doesn't seem to understand that the rest of the world does NOT revolve around youth. She's one who will say "Yes, but this is important," as if other things are not.
Now, it's possible that, because of my guilt, I may be interpretting things incorrectly, but I generally feel like there's an expectation that "good" kids from "good" families in this church do all of these things. I've even had another mom essentially express that to me when I mentioned that I thought it was just too much.
And that's ONLY church activities and ONLY for Tristan. I have two more kids; kids who are involved in other activities. Tristan is in Jazz band at school, and he loves it. He's good at it too. He likes to play rec soccer and he's been writing his own music. Shannon swims and plays tennis. Alana ice skates and plays soccer. All three kids play at least one instrument and take private lessons. These are all things that the children enjoy and are (usually) passionate about. This is where my time and energy should be spent.
That doesn't even take into account Bruce and I. He works hard to provide a very good living for us. He's involved with Scouts and he helps out with youth activities from time to time. I'm active in my United Methodist Women's circle, I volunteer in the church office twice a month, and at school once a week. I substitute teach when I can and I recently started working at Dream Dinners.
I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Shannon last spring. She'd heard a passionate plea for donations to the American Heart Association, talking about how research they'd funded had saved a child's life. Bless her heart, my girlie was ready to give all of her money to them so they could keep saving babies. We talked about how there are many, many, many worthy causes, groups, organizations, and charities all doing magnificent things in the world. And it's truly wonderful that they all exist to do those things; things that they are passionate about. But we, as individual people, simply can't give to all of those groups. We have to pick and choose the ones we care the most about and give to those. And that, just because we choose to give somewhere else, it doesn't mean we think less of the charity we're saying 'no' to.
Suddenly, the light has gone off and I'm seeing how this applies to my time, energy, and talents. These organizations are all worthwhile, but they're not for everyone, and they may not be for my kids or for my family. I'm just going to have to embrace being 'that' mother; the one who says NO and denies her children all of these "fantastic" opportunities. And I'm going to have to learn to deal with the attempted guilt-trips; the "oh but it's so much fun"s and the "but it's such a great opportunity"s, and the out-right attempts to manipulate me. Funny, I feel the manipulation in my gut, but, for some reason, I don't recognize it as such, so I don't respond appropriately in the moment. Gonna have to work on that, but heck, I've been dealing with my mother and MIL for years. This really should be easy! :D
Bottom line: My family's time is a resorce, a precious resource and we need to choose wisely how we're going to spend that time. Period. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me how I should spend it.
No guilt. Resource management at it's finest, for the betterment of this family.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Ramblings on depression
I've been dealing with some nearly-debilitating back pain with no apparent medical cause, so I started googling, wondering just what my back pain might be trying to tell me. The answer, over and over again, was depression. Not the "too sad to smile" kind, but the overly-perfectionistic paralyzing kind. It all fits, but I'm unsure what to do about it. I can see, at least on some level, that my thought patterns are not helpful, but they seem so very logical, which makes it hard to combat them. Does that make any sense at all?
And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.
It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).
But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.
Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!
I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).
*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine
There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!
And now that I'm paying attention, I'm realizing just how many many negative messages I'm sending myself each day. The laundry in piles = BAD MOM! And, why not? A good mom, an organized mom, would NOT have baskets and baskets of laundry waiting to be folded. A GOOD mom would have dinner planned and prepped every night. Really...how hard is that? Especially since we have the means to purchase anything we'd like to eat. And on it goes. Very logical (at least to me) and very harmful.
It's truly paralizing, and it's particularly challenging when I start thinking about expanding my activities....how can I even *think* about crafting or scrapbooking or a new business venture when I can't even gain control of my current obligations?! (This goes back to "do your chores before you can play" from my childhood, only it's not working now because, honestly, with a husband, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a 3800 sq ft house, school/church/friend/sports obligations, my chores are NEVER done so I NEVER have "permission" to play).
But I truly have NO idea how to combat any of this. How can I argue with or refute those claims? In my mind, they're gospel TRUTH.
Some of this I've done to myself. Shannon (age 12) was asked to put a load of laundry into the washer. She didn't know how because I've never taught her. It's MY job to do the laundry. I don't like the kids to fold the clothes because they do it "wrong." And (generally) I like to fold things soon after they come out of the dryer so they don't get all wrinkled, which means *I* do it. The same general idea spills over to other areas....they only vacuum the middle of the floor, never moving any of the smaller furniture. Heck, half the time they vacuum AROUND a candy wrapper without picking it up! It's just easier and faster if I do it myself, rather than the arguments that ensue when I want them to help out. I think I have the foundation of a plan, though......the kids are pretty fair-minded, so we're going to have a discussion about how I'm out-numbered and so we all need to pitch in some more. Here's a list of chores....pick some!
I have the beginnings of a plan to combat the depression, but again, it's overwhelming (that's a theme lately).
*Eat breakfast
*Take my vitamins/supplements
*Exercise (I don't wanna!)--I'm walking Alana to school, so that's about 1 mile round trip, and it's OUTSIDE which is good.
*Journal
*Books on meditation
*Figure out the minimum requirements to make me feel like I'm in control of the house/chores (the key is "minimum," but it's still HUGE. *sigh*)
*Water, with lime, to help with the detoxing process my body seems to be doing (I've got zits in my zits!!)
*Solid bedtime routine
There's more, but I've forgotten it all. See? Even my depression remedy plan leaves me depressed! ARGH!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So much to say and do!
I don't even know where to start.
School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.
So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.
I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.
So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!
I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.
School starts in a few days. Shannon, as a new 7th grader, starts on Friday with all the other 7th graders. They'll all have a chance to get their schedules sorted, find the bathrooms, figure out the lunch routine, etc, wihtout the crush of the 8th and 9th graders there. Monday, Tristan (9th) and Alana (3rd) start school, while Shannon gets a day off. Tuesday is the first day everyone will be in school.
So, this week, I'm trying to get us ready for all of that. And I'm having a hard time with everything I need to accomplish, including wanting to have some play time with the kids. And that gets me frustrated.
I'm having trouble sleeping, and back pain forces me out of bed in the morning. It also forces me out of this chair, which is a good thing, but really, this pain is getting worse and I'm very, very frustrated. In addition, I'm breaking out all over my body. I've got zits on my chin, my chest, and my back, with no apparent cause. From past experience, I know that this means I'm de-toxing from something, but I have no idea what it is.
So I google. and it seems that depression can cause back pain. Huh. That's interesting. So, I take the depression quiz and it comes up that I'm on the border between mild and moderately depressed. Again. Can I just tell you how much I HATE this?! I hate that depression is part of my life. I hate the way it seems to follow me around, waiting for that chance, the moment of weakness, to strike, to bring me down, to make me less than who I want to be.
And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to think about it; having to assess where I'm at. Why can't I just be normal? why can't I just move through my life and enjoy it? Why can't I just be myself without this monster lurking around every corner?! WHY?!?!
I know what I need to do. Part of me actually *wants* to do it. But a bigger part of me just wants to go back to bed.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A Quick Fly-By
1. My reunion was really fun.
2. Mom only made me slightly nuts while we were up there. She made up for it by driving me crazy once I got home.
3. The kids are on their way to insulin pumps. In true kid-fashion, they've chosen two different pumps.
4. There's only 4 weeks left of summer! AHHHHHH!!!! So much I still want to do with the kids and the house!
5. Max is now 8 months old and will be spayed tomorrow.
6. My kids like variety in their lives.....the girls are taking tennis lessons, music lessons and swim lessons. Tristan wants to play soccer again, plus music and swim lessons.
7. Me to Alana "Let's go to the library this afternoon." Alana "NO! I don't like to read books during the summer. (and in her most condescending tone) It's a VACATION!" Yeah, her teacher is going to love me.
2. Mom only made me slightly nuts while we were up there. She made up for it by driving me crazy once I got home.
3. The kids are on their way to insulin pumps. In true kid-fashion, they've chosen two different pumps.
4. There's only 4 weeks left of summer! AHHHHHH!!!! So much I still want to do with the kids and the house!
5. Max is now 8 months old and will be spayed tomorrow.
6. My kids like variety in their lives.....the girls are taking tennis lessons, music lessons and swim lessons. Tristan wants to play soccer again, plus music and swim lessons.
7. Me to Alana "Let's go to the library this afternoon." Alana "NO! I don't like to read books during the summer. (and in her most condescending tone) It's a VACATION!" Yeah, her teacher is going to love me.
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