Tristan's Yard Sale

I think I posted that Tristan has an opportunity to go to Europe next summer with the Utah Ambassadors of Music program.  He'll visit seven countries in 16 days, and play in the band in several cites, plus listen to the choir sing in some of the most beautiful cathedrals on the continent.  It's an amazing chance for him and we're so thrilled to be able to send Tristan.

But, as you can imagine, it's not cheap.  So we're brainstorming ways to make the money we need.  Our first idea was to hold a benefit yard sale.  I should say it was my idea.  The boys (the one I birthed and the one I married) had their doubts.  We papered the neighborhood with flyers asking people to donate items to us.  Bruce and Tristan didn't think people would give us their junk, uh, I mean, gently used household items.  Boy were they wrong!

The two-car garage was FULL, all the way to the garage door opener.  By the day of the sale, it had spilled over into the house.  We borrowed clothing racks from the church basement and filled them with the clothes--4 full racks.  There were shoes, furniture, household items (2 KitchenAid Mixers), books, movies, and more.  It was amazing! 

Tristan and I spent a full week going through everything, pricing it, sorting it and such.  Some people's idea of what it "useful" or "gently used" were interesting, so we sorted through it all and filled several trash bins/recycling containers.  We had to borrow from the vacant house next door!  (Though, really, that was perfect since much of what went in those bins had come from the previous owners of that house!). 

We held the sale over two days and made nearly $1200.  Over the two weeks after that, we sold items on a local website and made another $150 or so.  We've still got a number of children's items that we'll be selling at the Consignment Sale.  What doesn't sell there will be donated. 

We are thrilled with the progress.  So far, we've got Tristan to New York!  LOL!  There's a lot more to go, but we're well on our way and that's exciting. 

What I Learned Working Full-Time

1.  My family is more and less capable than I thought.  On the one hand, they pulled together and things worked out.  On the other hand, lots of things that I normally do weren't done and no one really seemed to notice that they needed doing until it directly impacted them. 

Bruce had to be more of a parent because I couldn't, for any reason, leave my job, if the kids needed something.  He had to make and keep orthodontist appointments for the girls, for instance.  Thankfully, his job is pretty flexible and he could take care of things.

The kids became more inter-dependant, leaning on each other, because I wasn't as available.  Shannon helped Alana finish up a poster for her county report.  Tristan helped Shannon with her math homework (that one probably would've happened anyway because it's been a loooong time since either of her parents have done that stuff).  They also became even more independent, as well, solving problems on their own.  Some of that made me feel guilty, but then again, they have to grow up eventually.

Now, the laundry and much of the cleaning fell to the wayside.  It seemed as if I was the only one truly aware of how underwear gets from the hamper back into the drawers.  While they all have an idea of how this happens, planning for it is apparently impossible for anyone but me.  *sigh*

There were numerous cooking "experiments" that went awry, and I have to say that grocery shopping in the evenings or on the weekends was a huge challenge.  I like showing up to a nearly-empty store on a Tuesday morning, thankyouverymuch. 

2.  I drive a lot less when I'm working.  I usually average a tank of gas per week.  While working, that went to about a tank every two weeks.  So, while I felt guilty driving the mile to the school every morning rather than walking, in the end I used far less gas.

3.  I also spend less money when I'm working.  Payday would come and go and the money just hung out in my account.

4.  However, my drinking increased quite a bit.  I often had one of my "alcho-pops" while grading papers or inputting things into the computer.  The bottles piled up to prove it. 

5.  One would think that I'd eat less and potentially lose weight, being on a stricter schedule.  Notsomuch.  I'd have my smoothie for breakfast, a snack during morning recess, lunch, and then a snack after school, plus dinner.  I don't think I ate too much junk because I tried to keep healthy snacks as my only option, but I didn't lose any weight.  However, I didn't gain any either.

Would I do it again? 

I don't really know.

Timely musings

I walked Alana to school today and we were talking about all sorts of things, including why Mommy shouldn't text and walk, much less text and drive.....we chatted about reading books and getting lost in them. We chatted about our weekend. And then Alana started doing a little math. She realized that, in 3 years, Tristan will be out of school, Shannon will be in High School, and she would be starting Junior High.

I knew that, and yet, when I stop to think about it, it hits me pretty hard. I remember when old ladies and older mothers used to tell me to cherish this time because it goes so fast. And I remember, in those days of showering at 3 in the afternoon constantly cleaning up the three 'p's, and always having a small person clinging to me or needing me or whining at me or crying.....I remember thinking that it couldn't go fast enough!

And now I'm wanting to slow time down, just a bit, so I can savor these precious moments that really do go too fast. I don't want to hold my children back from their lives....I just want time to stop ticking by quite so fast. Maybe it's the hint of fall in the air after what seemed like and endless and beautiful summer. Maybe it's the milestones of my oldest as he becomes more and more independent. I don't know, but I find myself wishing that each second lasted a half a second longer.

Ten years ago, I was trying to come to terms with being pregnant for a third time, totally unplanned. I wasn't sure I wanted another child. I had a boy and a girl, the house and the dog. The kids were (mostly) sleeping through the night and we were nearly done with diapers and here I was, pregnant. And really, at that stage, the "baby" didn't seem very real just yet. While I recognized that I had choices, I also knew somehow that this baby was meant to be, so we soldiered on, somewhat reluctantly I'll admit, and made room in our lives for this new precious light.

Now I look forward another ten years and I'll be an empty-nester; possibly even a grandmother (I'm in no hurry, but Tristan will be 25 at that point). It just doesn't seem possible that those seemingly endless nights of fussy babies, wet diapers and barfy sheets have given way to this life.

My kids are amazing people. Sometimes I think it's because of me, and other times I'm sure it's in spite of me. They all have a good work ethic, though a bit whiny at times. They look out for each other (when they're not trying to kill one another). They're responsible and respectful. They're intelligent and active and soak up information like little sponges. I'm continually amazed at the connections their minds make.

Tristan has a job; a real job with a paycheck and FICA and everything. He's one of 3 sophomores to make it into the High School Jazz Band. He does his own laundry and he can cook some basic stuff. I have no doubt he could tackle more complicated recipes if he wanted to. He shoots hoops in the back yard almost everyday and he's developing a social life too.

Shannon is a teenager wanting to hold on to her childhood. She cares about what she wears, but most days she forgets earrings and I still have to remind her to put on deodorant. She takes looooong hot showers, prompting her father to bang on the door, shouting something about hot water and not having a sauna on purpose (makes me glad this house has a 50 gallon hot water heater), and yet she still plays with and treasures her American Girl doll.

Alana is mischievous and brilliant, which has the potential to be a deadly combination. She is, however, a terrible liar, so far, and I'm hoping that doesn't change anytime soon. She's had a mind of her own since before she was born, and I love and hate that about her. She's loving and sweet, knows everything there is to know about Pokemon, and is very loud about her dislike of all things work-like. In spite of her protests, though, she does get her chores done.

And just when my heart swells with pride, I hear the tell-tale signs of trouble and "I didn't MEAN to poke you in the eye."

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...into the future

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and melancholy today, plus a whole bunch of other stuff because I'm a girl and I've usually got about a dozen emotions going on.

School started yesterday. My kids are in 4th, 8th, and 10th grades. I have an official High Schooler who proudly possesses a Learner's Permit, in spite of the fact that he can't get his license for nearly a year. Funny the juxtaposition as he races towards growing up and I keep trying to hold back the sands of time and savor, just for a moment, this precise instant.

I suppose there's nothing like a child to remind you just how quickly time passes. People used to say that to me all the time and I thought they were full of crap, but it's true. I can't hardly believe how amazing they are and how grown up they are. There are days when that overwhelms me and I have to take a moment and remember to breathe.

Those moments are usually shattered by shouts of "Mo-om!" Which is then followed by more hollering about who did what to whom and how it's not fair!

I find myself sitting here, basically wasting time on various games, advice columns, and blogs, and wondering just what kind of life I want for myself. All of a sudden, I have uncounted hours stretching before me, just waiting for me to fill them. I realize that it's only the second day of school, and I'm trying hard not to listen to that voice inside my head telling me that I *should* be organized and my house *should* be spotless. Really? Says who?! LOL!

The time will come, and come soon. I don't do idleness very well. Not to mention that my back won't stand for too much lolly-gagging in this chair. And, of course, activities are starting again, with a vengance, so I'm already juggling a few things--music lessons, work, meetings, back to school night, and more. It'll all come together, or it won't. And either way, I'm going to enjoy it. In a few years, one of my chicks will have flown the nest and I want to savor this time.

Another anniversary

We passed another milestone this weekend.

Shannon's been diabetic for a year, since March 21, 2009.

It seems a little weird to think about it as we're still adjusting in many ways. Recently, we've had to adjust her insulin to carb ratio for various meals because her sugar was spiking at specific times during the day. But now, with the weather improving, she's become more active, and we had a devil of a time getting her blood sugar high enough last night so that she could go to bed! (It has to be above 100 before bed because blood sugar naturally drops during the night and diabetics don't have the 'reserve' sugar in the liver for the body to cover that drop).

Every now and then, it hits me once again that this craziness is my life....usually when I'm sweeping up used test strips or grousing at the kids for leaving their used needles around (while they each deny responsibility....some things never change!). It seems so surreal!

Other times, I'm amazed at just how much knowledge I've accumulated over the last year, particularly about gluten! Did you know, for instance, that most orange soda is made with malt and is therefore NOT gluten-free? Yeah, me neither, at least not a year ago! Meals out are a challenge, so we don't go out very often, which really isn't a bad thing. Mexican is usually okay, as long as she avoids flour tortillas. Asian is out because the most popular brand of soy sauce for restaurants is fermented with wheat (Kikkoman. LaChoy is safe). There are a couple of noodle restaurants that have gluten-free options (Old Spaghetti Factory and Noodles & Company). Who'da thunk that it would be the pasta joints that would be so accomodating?! I can't remember the last time I bought a can of condensed soup....they're ALL made with wheat starch or barley or something. That's been a big challenge for my cooking since many of my "old standbys" start with cream soup as the base. I've found decent substitutes for most of the casseroles, though.

I checked out more gluten-free cookbooks from the library and I've put a hold on a couple of others, trying to find more recipes to draw from for baked goods. Today I'm going to make a batch of GF chocolate chip cookies, and I need to make a loaf of GF bread for lunches too. I haven't decided if I'm going to try a new recipe or go with the standby. Maybe I'll try the new one and if Shannon doesn't like it, I can make her regular loaf this evening?

It's been a challenge, and it's stretched me in ways I did not want to be stretched. As a mother, it breaks my heart to see my children suffer. I'd take it on myself, in a heartbeat, if I were given the choice. That's been an amazing lesson for me, and for the kids. I know they sometimes think Mom is an idiot, but they know deep down just how much I love them. This has brought us closer as a family, as we work together to manage the challenges that come up. I think, too, it's shown the children just how strong they can be. They're learning to make choices that will impact both their short-term and long-term health, and I hope that those lessons will carry over to other areas of their lives. They're learning to deal with some pretty heavy emotions. They're learning that they are not alone, as our family, friends, and neighbors encourage and support them.

These are all great lessons, but I can't help but wish they were learning them another way.

Rest In Peace, sweet Ginger

I had to make the decision today to put Alana's guinea pig to sleep. The vet said she was critical and gave her less than a 50/50 chance. She said that these 'prey' animals tend to just roll over and give up when they get sick and really, that's what Ginger was doing.

Shannon's devastated. I hated having to be the one to make the choice, but when I asked the vet what she would do, she said she'd put her down. It just all came on so suddenly. Sunday she was fine, held and loved by the girls. Yesterday afternoon, she was lethargic and today she was almost non-responsive, not eating, not drinking, the works.

Thing is, she was a YOUNG pig, less than a year old and it seems like such a shame. I had pigs as a kid that lived for years and years, no health problems, nothing. The vet says they're just not as hardy as they used to be; too much inbreeding.

Shannon's home sick today, so she's sipping cocoa and crying. Alana will find out when she gets home from school. Don't know if I should clean up the cage and everything and put it all away or if it would be good for Alana to help me with that.

*sigh* Adulthood really sucks sometimes!

And all of this happens just as I'm vowing to stop whining and complaining on my blog! Really, I stood there the vet's office, trying to decide what to do, knowing in my heart that the treatment plan she was proposing would not work and we were going to lose her no matter what, but not quite wanting to admit it. I thought I was prepared to lose her, but when the time came to decide, that was really, really hard. I found myself wondering why *I* was in charge of this. Well, because I'm the mom, that's why. But, wait, when did I become the responsible grown-up? Is there a way to undo that? Because, at times like this, I really really really want someone else to be in charge.

Shannon is pretty upset, and that, in turn, upsets me. Ginger was a sweet animal. Inquisitive and fun to have. She loved brocolli, even though it really wasn't good for her, so we limited what she'd eat. She was okay on carrots, but spinach and parsley were favorites too.

Alana's not home from school yet, but I think she'll handle this better than her sister. I told her this morning that Ginger wasn't looking good and I was worried that she wouldn't make it. Alana told me if Ginger died, we'd get another guinea pig.

We'll have a piggy funeral this evening, though I'm not sure where we'll put her to avoid sprinkler lines. I'll get one of those stepping stone kits for the girls to make too.

I don't know how to guide them through their grief. I want to make it go away. More accurately, I want it to be gone so I don't have to watch them hurt. But I don't want to rush them or discount their feelings of loss and sadness either. I've read several online articles on the subject, but I still feel woefully inadequate.

*sigh*

The Day My Heart Shattered Into a Million Pieces

November 30, 2008. The day I took Tristan to Urgent Care, expecting IV fluids for his nasty stomach virus, and they told me it was diabetes and an ambulance had been called to transfer him to the hospital.

A year ago today, I was rising after a fitful night of sleep, getting the girls ready for school, and then fighting rush hour traffic to get to the hospital on the other side of town.

A year ago, I thought our lives would never be normal again.

A year ago, I was scared senseless that I would lose my first born, my baby boy.

A year ago, I cried and cried and cried. I was amazed I had any tears left.

A year and a week ago, I fainted at the sight of needles.

A year ago, I learned to give my son shots.

And I cried through the whole process.

One year later, the boy is healthy and happy. Well, as happy as any 8th grade boy will admit to being. He's playing in the Jazz Band at school (sax), plus symphonic band (clarinet). He's a Life Scout (one away from Eagle). He went to church camp and scout camp over the summer, then diabetes camp.

He belches at the dinner table. He refuses to clean his room. He picks on his sisters, but heaven help the outsider who does the same!

In short, we've found a new normal.

There have been tremendous blessings over the last year. People far and wide praying for us and loving us and letting me know, over and over, that I was NOT alone. Our church family has been wonderful, willing to learn what they need to know to keep our children safe. Our neighbors have done the same. The support has been overwhelming. I'm in awe of the people who care for us.

And yet, there are still a few pieces of my heart that I haven't been able to put back together.

The excitement never ends.....

LOL!

Last night, Bruce and I went to a banquet for his work. It was a lovely evening, with good food and a chance to be out amongst grown ups! I got to meet the man who went on the business trip instead of Bruce when Shannon was hospitalized and thank him.

We left the kids to take care of themselves, which was a first. We've left them here and there during the day, but not for an evening. We got Shannon a frozen GF pizza and Papa Murphy's for the other two. They did really well, with the house only mildly disasterized, and they didn't call us even once!

Tristan, who told us he'd do the dishes before we got home, actually started them about the time we walked in the door. A plate had cracked in the dishwasher and came out in two pieces. Tristan was fascinated by this silly plate....can we glue it? Why not? Look how smooth the edges are, etc....and he wouldn't put the stupid thing down. Finally, Bruce told him, VERY SHARPLY to take the blasted thing out to the big trash can before someone got hurt. And we went upstairs to change our clothes.

Shannon came running up the stairs about 20 minutes later......panic in her voice, "mommy, mommy, mommmy, mooooommmmmy"

Yep, he'd dropped it on his foot while (finally) taking it out to the trash, resulting in a lovely cut on the top of his foot. It was a little over an inch long, on the pinky toe side of his foot, about halfway between toes and ankles.

Did I mention it was 9:25? And Bruce and I were both in our PJ pants? :rolling eyes:

So, while Bruce got dressed, I called urgent care and found one without a wait and off the boys went. Tristan now has 4 stitches. They'll come out about 10 days, but because of the diabetes, it may take a bit longer to heal.

Really, just another Friday night at our house! LOL!

It's official

Shannon has celiac disease. I thought I was prepared for this and in the right mindset, but at the moment, I find myself completely overwhelmed.

What can she eat for dinner?
What does she take in her lunch for school?
Do we ALL go GF?
How do I avoid cross-contamination if we don't?
How do I tell my mother who knew nothing about any of this because she drives me batty already?!
How do I deal with people who are uninformed or misinformed and don't care?
There are a million cookbooks out there. Which one(s) are the best?
What about church camp?
And the ball game on the 4th, complete with its traditional junk-food-fest?
And how do we handle the added expense of all of this?
Not to mention the added work for me?

ARGH!!!!

I know, I know....one problem at a time. Dinnner. I need to figure out dinner

Nervous Mommy Moment--Update

Tristan is going camping this weekend with his Scout troop, and Bruce isn't going with him. This is the first time he's been away from us since his diabetes diagnosis.

On the one hand, I *know* this will be good for him. He needs to get out and do things on his own.

On the other hand, I'm a nervous wreck! There's still a part of me that wants to bubble wrap him and keep him in his room forever. *sigh*

His Scout leaders have had a class about the diabetes from a doctor friend, so they know the basics, and we trust them. Tristan is pretty good about taking care of himself, but he's nervous too.

And they're going to the middle of nowhere (there's a lot of that in Utah). Bruce says "they're only 2 miles off the paved road." Um, yeah, and said paved road is at least 60 miles from the nearest medical help, and probably 20 miles from cell phone service!

It should be a fun campout. They're going to Topaz Mountain, which has lots of fun rock-hounding including topaz. They're working on their geology merit badge, though Tristan already has that one. Tristan will also be doing some leadership training, which will be very good for him.

All in all, I *know* this will be good for him, and, in all honesty, me too. But I'm still worried about him.

Good thing I've got so much to do this weekend with National Scrapbook Day.

Update: He had a blast! He came home dirty, smelly, and slightly sunburned with a tiny pile of topaz from the mountain. He said he enjoyed himself and no one nagged him too much. It was definitely good for him to go, and good for me too.

Shannon's home from the hospital

Well, we're home now and she's going back to school tomorrow. We met with the school nurse and her teacher and have a tentative plan for testing, snacking, and giving herself shots. Since it's not all "official," I have to take the insulin in to her at lunch time. Once the doctor signs the forms, she can keep it with her.

Her teacher is AWESOME and so is pretty much everyone at her school. Word travelled pretty fast today, which happens in a school that's as close-knit as ours is. She's only got school through Thursday this week and then we're off all of next week. For now, I'll go in at lunch and provide support for her. I'll be doing that as long as she needs me to.

In other news, it appears that she probably has Celiac disease as well. They routinely screen newly diagnosed diabetics for it and something else (I can't remember the other thing) because it often goes hand-in-hand with diabetes. She's got a pretty high number on whatever the blood test was, so I have to take her in to the Pediatric GI clinic where they'll run another test to confirm it. Then I get to begin the gluten-free adventure.

We'll be getting Alana screened as well, as soon as we can. There is a blood test they can do that would indicate whether or not she's got a predisposition for diabetes so we'll know to watch her. Regardless, I'll keep an eye on her, but it would be good to know that she's probably NOT going to get diabetes.

I'm hanging in there and keeping myself VERY busy. I'm really afraid to let go because I'm not sure I'll be able to pull myself back together. I KNOW that I've only made it this far through prayer and the strength of my friends and family.

When it rains......

Shannon is 10 and in 5th grade, and, just 4 months after Tristan's diagnosis, she has also developed type 1 diabetes.

She was complaining last week of just not feeling very well. She came home from school early on Wednesday and didn't go on Thursday, but felt better so she went on Friday. Saturday afternoon, she volunteered to take a nap. As in "I think I'll go take a nap." She'd done this several times over the last few days, and I honestly chalked it up to one of the myriad of viruses that are floating around right now.

But, she was drinking an awful lot. And she was complaining that her legs hurt for no apparent reason. And, by the by, she'd lost 3 lbs over the week. So, on a whim, we tested her blood sugar. The meter simply read "HI," which means it's over 700 (normal is right around 100, but no higher than 180).

Uh, what?!

So we checked her for blood keytones and they were in the "have her evaluated" borderline range. We schlepped the other two over to the neighbor's and took Shannon to Primary Children's ER. They got to us pretty quickly and told us that there really was no other explanation for a sugar that high. They gave her some IV fluids, but the child WALKED up to her room. That seems so odd to me, that a child with an illness requiring an ER trip and hospitalization is walking to her room.

She wasn't nearly as sick as Tristan was because we caught it before it got too bad. She's in good spirits, eating and drinking and loving that she can order ANYTHING she wants off the menu. She's joking with us and with the nurses and watching movies in between her "classes," and loving that too.

So we're learning her ratios and dosages and all of that. And she's learning how to test her sugar and give herself insulin injections. So far, she hasn't pricked her finger or done the actual shot, but she's done everything else. They won't let her leave the hospital until she's doing this herself, or at least has done it once or twice. She really, really, REALLY wants to come home tomorrow, so I think she'll get it.

In the meantime, Bruce was supposed to fly out on a business trip today. Clearly he's not going, and his coworkers have been AMAZING about it. Someone else is leaving early tomorrow morning, with less than 24 hours notice. Another coworker, whom I've never met, brought Shannon an adorable floppy sheep dog stuffed animal (his name is now "Rover").

I don't really know what else to say. There is a genetic component to all of this, leaving a person with a predisposition for this because it's an autoimmune disorder. The cells in her pancreas that make insulin are dying and will eventually all die off. In general, the chances of a person developing Type 1 Diabetes if a sibling has it are 10%, so her chances of not having it were 90%. Only now, it's 100%. Statistics don't mean much, do they?