I checked out half a dozen gluten-free cookbooks from the county library, and there are dozens more available. It's a matter of trial and error right now.
Today, we made GF waffles for our traditional Saturday morning breakfast, and they're GOOD! Yippee!!
Breakfast has been a bit difficult. We tried a GF peanut butter cereal that she didn't like, so she's been eating eggs. But now, we've got waffles! And she's got her own dedicated toaster so she can toast some during the week if she wants to. I also made up a pot of rice last night and she liked that with butter, cinnamon, and sugar. We're still looking for other breakfast alternatives, but it feels good to have a handle on that right now.
The waffles are made with corn starch and xanthan gum. See, gluten provides the binder for many bread products. It's the stuff that holds breads together. So, you have to adjust recipes and hope they don't fall apart. Xanthan gum helps provide that binding agent as well. But, wow....it's EXPENSIVE. Or at least it was a shock to see that $12.99 price tag on an 8 oz package. But, then again, the waffle recipe requires only 1/4 teaspoon, and from my skimming of other recipes, this stuff will last a while.
I've still got lots to do and lots to process. The house seriously looks like a tornado hit. The kitchen needs a thorough cleaning out. I need to sort through the refrigerater and get rid of things that Shannon can't have (soy sauce can be made with wheat....who knew?). Same thing for the pantry. My neighbor was thrilled to recieve the Costco-size jug of soy sauce and the oyster sauce we can't use. She'll be getting a bottle of Worchesterchire sauce, and probably some other things. And, we'll be making a hefty donation to the food bank as well, things like barbeque sauce, packaged potato mixes, noodle mixes, rice mixes and more.
This is HUGE learning curve for all of us. There are lots and lots of things that Shannon CAN eat. But, I have to read labels and try to remember or cross-check all those long-winded names of different things. Some companies are better about labelling than others. Kraft is AWESOME. They make it very easy to determine if their products contain gluten. So far, they're the best I've found.
But, this morning is a good day. Our Saturday morning tradition is intact. Shannon can have the waffles she loves. Praise the Lord!
Maybe I really can do this.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
It's official
Shannon has celiac disease. I thought I was prepared for this and in the right mindset, but at the moment, I find myself completely overwhelmed.
What can she eat for dinner?
What does she take in her lunch for school?
Do we ALL go GF?
How do I avoid cross-contamination if we don't?
How do I tell my mother who knew nothing about any of this because she drives me batty already?!
How do I deal with people who are uninformed or misinformed and don't care?
There are a million cookbooks out there. Which one(s) are the best?
What about church camp?
And the ball game on the 4th, complete with its traditional junk-food-fest?
And how do we handle the added expense of all of this?
Not to mention the added work for me?
ARGH!!!!
I know, I know....one problem at a time. Dinnner. I need to figure out dinner
What can she eat for dinner?
What does she take in her lunch for school?
Do we ALL go GF?
How do I avoid cross-contamination if we don't?
How do I tell my mother who knew nothing about any of this because she drives me batty already?!
How do I deal with people who are uninformed or misinformed and don't care?
There are a million cookbooks out there. Which one(s) are the best?
What about church camp?
And the ball game on the 4th, complete with its traditional junk-food-fest?
And how do we handle the added expense of all of this?
Not to mention the added work for me?
ARGH!!!!
I know, I know....one problem at a time. Dinnner. I need to figure out dinner
Friday, April 17, 2009
Nervous Mommy Moment--Update
Tristan is going camping this weekend with his Scout troop, and Bruce isn't going with him. This is the first time he's been away from us since his diabetes diagnosis.
On the one hand, I *know* this will be good for him. He needs to get out and do things on his own.
On the other hand, I'm a nervous wreck! There's still a part of me that wants to bubble wrap him and keep him in his room forever. *sigh*
His Scout leaders have had a class about the diabetes from a doctor friend, so they know the basics, and we trust them. Tristan is pretty good about taking care of himself, but he's nervous too.
And they're going to the middle of nowhere (there's a lot of that in Utah). Bruce says "they're only 2 miles off the paved road." Um, yeah, and said paved road is at least 60 miles from the nearest medical help, and probably 20 miles from cell phone service!
It should be a fun campout. They're going to Topaz Mountain, which has lots of fun rock-hounding including topaz. They're working on their geology merit badge, though Tristan already has that one. Tristan will also be doing some leadership training, which will be very good for him.
All in all, I *know* this will be good for him, and, in all honesty, me too. But I'm still worried about him.
Good thing I've got so much to do this weekend with National Scrapbook Day.
Update: He had a blast! He came home dirty, smelly, and slightly sunburned with a tiny pile of topaz from the mountain. He said he enjoyed himself and no one nagged him too much. It was definitely good for him to go, and good for me too.
On the one hand, I *know* this will be good for him. He needs to get out and do things on his own.
On the other hand, I'm a nervous wreck! There's still a part of me that wants to bubble wrap him and keep him in his room forever. *sigh*
His Scout leaders have had a class about the diabetes from a doctor friend, so they know the basics, and we trust them. Tristan is pretty good about taking care of himself, but he's nervous too.
And they're going to the middle of nowhere (there's a lot of that in Utah). Bruce says "they're only 2 miles off the paved road." Um, yeah, and said paved road is at least 60 miles from the nearest medical help, and probably 20 miles from cell phone service!
It should be a fun campout. They're going to Topaz Mountain, which has lots of fun rock-hounding including topaz. They're working on their geology merit badge, though Tristan already has that one. Tristan will also be doing some leadership training, which will be very good for him.
All in all, I *know* this will be good for him, and, in all honesty, me too. But I'm still worried about him.
Good thing I've got so much to do this weekend with National Scrapbook Day.
Update: He had a blast! He came home dirty, smelly, and slightly sunburned with a tiny pile of topaz from the mountain. He said he enjoyed himself and no one nagged him too much. It was definitely good for him to go, and good for me too.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
In hiding
Yep, that's me. Part of it is because the last couple of weeks have been so busy that I can barely come up for air. Last weekend was Easter, so, of course, I had to make the girls' Easter dresses. As I struggled with the depression and the resulting inertia, I would've given up and had them wear a dress they already had. But, see it's tradition that Mommy makes Easter dresses. And I'd taken the girls to the fabric store to pick out the pattern and the fabric. I just couldn't let them down. So I finished the dresses on Friday afternoon, and there was only one small error that you wouldn't notice unless you were really looking for it.
Then, of course, there's Easter and all the attendant activities. We had a party at church on Saturday, and, again, I thought about not going. But, again, the children were excited and wanted to go, so we went. I really don't want to be out and about much. People want to talk about the kids and their diabetes. They have questions and they're concerned, and I get that. I know that it comes from a place of caring. But sometimes, honestly most of the time, I don't want to talk about it. I'm living this day in and day out, and right now, there are times when it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning.
If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm fine. Because my children need me to hold it together. So, I do the best that I can. My house is a mess, but we've got clean clothes and I made dinner for the last few nights. That's a victory, albeit a small one.
Back to my crazy schedule. Shannon is finishing up rehearsals for her school play on Friday. She's been at school until at least 5:30 every day this week. Tristan has started baseball with practices and games. Alana started soccer this week, but she's also still got dance until the first part of May. I've got National Scrapbook Day this weekend, plus it's the consignment sale to prep for. My items are all ready for sale. I volunteer tomorrow morning and then I've got the presale tomorrow night.
Seriously, it's nuts. But I'm glad for it in many ways. It keeps me from brooding.
So I hide from friends and keep myself busy.
Then, of course, there's Easter and all the attendant activities. We had a party at church on Saturday, and, again, I thought about not going. But, again, the children were excited and wanted to go, so we went. I really don't want to be out and about much. People want to talk about the kids and their diabetes. They have questions and they're concerned, and I get that. I know that it comes from a place of caring. But sometimes, honestly most of the time, I don't want to talk about it. I'm living this day in and day out, and right now, there are times when it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning.
If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm fine. Because my children need me to hold it together. So, I do the best that I can. My house is a mess, but we've got clean clothes and I made dinner for the last few nights. That's a victory, albeit a small one.
Back to my crazy schedule. Shannon is finishing up rehearsals for her school play on Friday. She's been at school until at least 5:30 every day this week. Tristan has started baseball with practices and games. Alana started soccer this week, but she's also still got dance until the first part of May. I've got National Scrapbook Day this weekend, plus it's the consignment sale to prep for. My items are all ready for sale. I volunteer tomorrow morning and then I've got the presale tomorrow night.
Seriously, it's nuts. But I'm glad for it in many ways. It keeps me from brooding.
So I hide from friends and keep myself busy.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Not so petty vent
Okay, so the giant box of Shannon's supplies arrived today. They sent the wrong syringes, and the wrong test strips. This should be easy to fix, right? WRONG.
The prescription for the syringes clearly states that they need to have 1/2 unit markings. They sent me 800 syringes with just unit markings. They're going to fix that.
They also sent the wrong test strips. 800 wrong test strips, at a cost of $700 to the insurance (we pay 10% of that). But, see, the prescription says "One Touch Test Strips," so they sent the basic strips. Nowhere on the prescription does it say "One Touch Ultra Mini" and the doctor wrote that they have to be brand-name. Great, just great.
Here's the problem with that logic. Test strips are an OTC product. Anyone can walk up to any pharmacy and buy them. Considering their astronomical cost, I don't know why you'd do that, but you could. So, when talking to Customer Service right after we placed the order, she said "One touch," and I said, "No, One Touch Ultra Mini." She repeated it back to me. But since the doctor only wrote the brand name, I'm stuck.
Okay, so we'll just find a meter that works with these strips. I go to the company website. Guess what? THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE METERS ANYMORE!!! Nope, they're off the market. There's one, maybe, that we can get, but it takes *45* seconds to get your results. Are you kidding me?! Our meters take *5* seconds. WTF?!?!
At the moment, we're screwed. The insurance has already paid for a 90-day supply of these things. They're not going to pay for another set of the correct stuff. And the mail-order pharmacy isn't going to admit they did anything wrong. Of course, they didn't.....they just didn't bother to use their heads.
WHAT WOULD A NEWLY-DIAGNOSED DIABETIC CHILD BE DOING WITH A METER THAT IS NO LONGER ON THE MARKET?! But, of course, they didn't bother to ask themselves that question and contact us for clarification (clearly that wouldn't have made a difference since I did, in fact, clarify it). Nope. They just followed orders.
Makes me wonder what would happen if I ordered meds that would counteract each other or cause an adverse reaction when taken together.
I wonder if it's illegal to sell test strips online? (No, I won't be selling the syringes!)
The prescription for the syringes clearly states that they need to have 1/2 unit markings. They sent me 800 syringes with just unit markings. They're going to fix that.
They also sent the wrong test strips. 800 wrong test strips, at a cost of $700 to the insurance (we pay 10% of that). But, see, the prescription says "One Touch Test Strips," so they sent the basic strips. Nowhere on the prescription does it say "One Touch Ultra Mini" and the doctor wrote that they have to be brand-name. Great, just great.
Here's the problem with that logic. Test strips are an OTC product. Anyone can walk up to any pharmacy and buy them. Considering their astronomical cost, I don't know why you'd do that, but you could. So, when talking to Customer Service right after we placed the order, she said "One touch," and I said, "No, One Touch Ultra Mini." She repeated it back to me. But since the doctor only wrote the brand name, I'm stuck.
Okay, so we'll just find a meter that works with these strips. I go to the company website. Guess what? THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE METERS ANYMORE!!! Nope, they're off the market. There's one, maybe, that we can get, but it takes *45* seconds to get your results. Are you kidding me?! Our meters take *5* seconds. WTF?!?!
At the moment, we're screwed. The insurance has already paid for a 90-day supply of these things. They're not going to pay for another set of the correct stuff. And the mail-order pharmacy isn't going to admit they did anything wrong. Of course, they didn't.....they just didn't bother to use their heads.
WHAT WOULD A NEWLY-DIAGNOSED DIABETIC CHILD BE DOING WITH A METER THAT IS NO LONGER ON THE MARKET?! But, of course, they didn't bother to ask themselves that question and contact us for clarification (clearly that wouldn't have made a difference since I did, in fact, clarify it). Nope. They just followed orders.
Makes me wonder what would happen if I ordered meds that would counteract each other or cause an adverse reaction when taken together.
I wonder if it's illegal to sell test strips online? (No, I won't be selling the syringes!)
Monday, April 6, 2009
Stupid, petty, ridiculous vent!
We bought this house 3 years ago from a family that had lived here for probably 10-15 years, raising their kids, etc.
Today, in the mail, I receive yet another letter for the previous owners. It's not one of those advertisements that say "or current resident." It's a hand-addressed card.
Their daughter got married last summer. We received at least *8* cards for that child, because, apparently, the sender didn't check the return address.
We've gotten letters from attorneys for these folks. More than one atty, with more than one business that the former owners apparently owned. IRS stuff addressed to them. Now, wouldn't you think that the IRS would KNOW they'd moved after they filed their taxes with their new address?
One letter arrived last week, addressed to one of the daughters, with no return address. It was clearly from one of her teeny-bopper friends, based on the handwriting, etc. That one I took to a neighbor who sees the family on ocassion.
For about 6-12 months, I would dutifully write "please forward to 123 Alphabet Street" and put it back in the mail. But, really, *3* years?! I'm just done. They couldn't be bothered to fill out the little card at the PO like the rest of the adult world.....I'm not bothering to play nice anymore. I write "not at this address" on the front and put it right back in the mailbox. But for some dumb reason this just irritates the carp out of me!
Probably because they did a bunch of other "no common sense" things, and from the mail I'm getting, did some shady things with their businesses too. My home shows their lack of forethought all over the place, so maybe that's why it bugs me so much? Dunno, but it's driving me CRAZY!!!!
//rant over
Today, in the mail, I receive yet another letter for the previous owners. It's not one of those advertisements that say "or current resident." It's a hand-addressed card.
Their daughter got married last summer. We received at least *8* cards for that child, because, apparently, the sender didn't check the return address.
We've gotten letters from attorneys for these folks. More than one atty, with more than one business that the former owners apparently owned. IRS stuff addressed to them. Now, wouldn't you think that the IRS would KNOW they'd moved after they filed their taxes with their new address?
One letter arrived last week, addressed to one of the daughters, with no return address. It was clearly from one of her teeny-bopper friends, based on the handwriting, etc. That one I took to a neighbor who sees the family on ocassion.
For about 6-12 months, I would dutifully write "please forward to 123 Alphabet Street" and put it back in the mail. But, really, *3* years?! I'm just done. They couldn't be bothered to fill out the little card at the PO like the rest of the adult world.....I'm not bothering to play nice anymore. I write "not at this address" on the front and put it right back in the mailbox. But for some dumb reason this just irritates the carp out of me!
Probably because they did a bunch of other "no common sense" things, and from the mail I'm getting, did some shady things with their businesses too. My home shows their lack of forethought all over the place, so maybe that's why it bugs me so much? Dunno, but it's driving me CRAZY!!!!
//rant over
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Dreary and grey
It's a dreary, grey day here. It's been like this for most of the week. We've had snow and then brilliant sunlight that doesn't last, and more snow. It's been a good week for me to "hibernate." But I can't keep doing that forever.
I realized not long after Shannon's diagnosis that I was dealing with some depression. I wanted to deal with the difficult side of things, but I was afraid that I'd get stuck in the darkness. But, see, I already was stuck. I don't do the crawl-under-the-covers-and-don't-shower-for-days depression. I do the put-on-my-make-up-mask-and-pretend-everything's-okay-while-finding-inordinate-number-of-time-wasters-to-avoid-painful-reality depression. So, because I was vertical, getting up and dressed everyday, taking the kids to school, and so forth, I was thinking that I wasn't depressed. Wrong.
The laundry is piled up so high that it could trigger "the BIG one" if it falls over. It's all clean, but good luck finding a matching pair of socks. Dinners have been hit-and-miss. Mostly miss. Though I get things thawed out so Bruce has something to go on when he gets home. Can't remember the last time I vacuumed anything or cleaned a bathroom. I guess, considering all the emotional stuff, I'm doing pretty good--clean laundry, a dinner plan, dishes done. Maybe I really *shouldn't* be so hard on myself?
I get caught up in trying to stay balanced. How do I acknowledge and deal with the darkness without being sucked into it? How do I hurt and see blessings at the same time? How do I manage any of this, much less ALL of it?
A dear friend gave me a massage on Thursday. She's a truly gifted person, able to read a body and know what's up, very intuitive. She knew I needed to cry, and I swear, she found the "cry" button almost immediately. She gave me a safe outlet to release some of that while helping my body physically release too. What we talked about and what I thought about brought me some interesting conclusions.
I'm a road map and reservation kinda girl. I don't just go on a trip without knowing exactly where we're headed, how long we'll be there, and which hotel or RV park we'll be staying in. I do that in other areas of my life, but this new adventure doesn't have a map, and I'm having a hard time with that.
How can I be strong enough for this?
How will I manage the kids' diabetes and Shannon's gluten-free life? Especially since I can't even manage laundry right now!
Where will I find the tools I need?
How will I regain my balance?
How will I find the time and energy for the things that bring me joy?
The future is a big murky cloud, much like the one currently obscuring the view of my mountains.
Wait a second....
The future's *always* been a big murky cloud. I just had a comfortable delusion that I had some control over it. I don't now, and I never did. Yes, it's more complicated now, but who's to say there wouldn't have been other complications? Maybe that's part of what I'm struggling with.....are there still more complications coming at me?
So, I laid on that massage table and blubbered. Really, it wasn't pretty. But that's okay. Life isn't always pretty, and I'm glad for that. As I thought about these questions and doubts, I began to sense reassurance. I was telling myself to breathe in confidence and trust and breathe out doubt and fear. And guess what? I began to feel more confident and trusting; less doubtful and fearful.
I don't know how, but I know I WILL figure this out. I don't know HOW or WHEN, but I know that the tools and resources, not to mention courage and strength will be there when I need it. I know, too, that this darker time won't last forever. It's a season and, in the face of everything, it's normal. I won't slip too far down that road. I won't let myself (been there, done that, NEVER AGAIN), but more importantly, the love I have for my children and husband won't allow me to go there. They need me. They need me to be strong and able and loving and present. Sure, I can be weak and angry and out of it for a short time, but there's a fundamental maternal pull that won't let all of that interfere in their lives for too long.
And, there are lots and lots of people out there who won't let me slip quietly into the darkness either. My dearest friends, both near and far, know that depression is sometimes an issue for me. They worry and they call and they pester and they pray. They're not going to let me go. They listen and love and pop up in chat windows to ask if I ate breakfast today, and no, the milk in my coffee doesn't count!
I think, too, that I've matured (I certainly hope so). I've gained a bit of self-awareness and insight and wisdom. That devastating depression in my 17 yo suicidal self was so incredibly devastating precisely because it was new and so very very dark. I didn't know then what I know now. I didn't know that there was a way through it; there was light and life on the other side. I didn't know that I could survive and come out of it a better person. All I saw then was darkness going on forever. Now I know all those things.....yes, this is a dark, sad place. But it won't last forever. There is light and love out there and it's closer than I realize. I can trust in that wisdom. Again, I don't know the 'how' of it all; I don't know the lessons and strength I'll gain, but I do know, without a doubt that it will come.
I realized not long after Shannon's diagnosis that I was dealing with some depression. I wanted to deal with the difficult side of things, but I was afraid that I'd get stuck in the darkness. But, see, I already was stuck. I don't do the crawl-under-the-covers-and-don't-shower-for-days depression. I do the put-on-my-make-up-mask-and-pretend-everything's-okay-while-finding-inordinate-number-of-time-wasters-to-avoid-painful-reality depression. So, because I was vertical, getting up and dressed everyday, taking the kids to school, and so forth, I was thinking that I wasn't depressed. Wrong.
The laundry is piled up so high that it could trigger "the BIG one" if it falls over. It's all clean, but good luck finding a matching pair of socks. Dinners have been hit-and-miss. Mostly miss. Though I get things thawed out so Bruce has something to go on when he gets home. Can't remember the last time I vacuumed anything or cleaned a bathroom. I guess, considering all the emotional stuff, I'm doing pretty good--clean laundry, a dinner plan, dishes done. Maybe I really *shouldn't* be so hard on myself?
I get caught up in trying to stay balanced. How do I acknowledge and deal with the darkness without being sucked into it? How do I hurt and see blessings at the same time? How do I manage any of this, much less ALL of it?
A dear friend gave me a massage on Thursday. She's a truly gifted person, able to read a body and know what's up, very intuitive. She knew I needed to cry, and I swear, she found the "cry" button almost immediately. She gave me a safe outlet to release some of that while helping my body physically release too. What we talked about and what I thought about brought me some interesting conclusions.
I'm a road map and reservation kinda girl. I don't just go on a trip without knowing exactly where we're headed, how long we'll be there, and which hotel or RV park we'll be staying in. I do that in other areas of my life, but this new adventure doesn't have a map, and I'm having a hard time with that.
How can I be strong enough for this?
How will I manage the kids' diabetes and Shannon's gluten-free life? Especially since I can't even manage laundry right now!
Where will I find the tools I need?
How will I regain my balance?
How will I find the time and energy for the things that bring me joy?
The future is a big murky cloud, much like the one currently obscuring the view of my mountains.
Wait a second....
The future's *always* been a big murky cloud. I just had a comfortable delusion that I had some control over it. I don't now, and I never did. Yes, it's more complicated now, but who's to say there wouldn't have been other complications? Maybe that's part of what I'm struggling with.....are there still more complications coming at me?
So, I laid on that massage table and blubbered. Really, it wasn't pretty. But that's okay. Life isn't always pretty, and I'm glad for that. As I thought about these questions and doubts, I began to sense reassurance. I was telling myself to breathe in confidence and trust and breathe out doubt and fear. And guess what? I began to feel more confident and trusting; less doubtful and fearful.
I don't know how, but I know I WILL figure this out. I don't know HOW or WHEN, but I know that the tools and resources, not to mention courage and strength will be there when I need it. I know, too, that this darker time won't last forever. It's a season and, in the face of everything, it's normal. I won't slip too far down that road. I won't let myself (been there, done that, NEVER AGAIN), but more importantly, the love I have for my children and husband won't allow me to go there. They need me. They need me to be strong and able and loving and present. Sure, I can be weak and angry and out of it for a short time, but there's a fundamental maternal pull that won't let all of that interfere in their lives for too long.
And, there are lots and lots of people out there who won't let me slip quietly into the darkness either. My dearest friends, both near and far, know that depression is sometimes an issue for me. They worry and they call and they pester and they pray. They're not going to let me go. They listen and love and pop up in chat windows to ask if I ate breakfast today, and no, the milk in my coffee doesn't count!
I think, too, that I've matured (I certainly hope so). I've gained a bit of self-awareness and insight and wisdom. That devastating depression in my 17 yo suicidal self was so incredibly devastating precisely because it was new and so very very dark. I didn't know then what I know now. I didn't know that there was a way through it; there was light and life on the other side. I didn't know that I could survive and come out of it a better person. All I saw then was darkness going on forever. Now I know all those things.....yes, this is a dark, sad place. But it won't last forever. There is light and love out there and it's closer than I realize. I can trust in that wisdom. Again, I don't know the 'how' of it all; I don't know the lessons and strength I'll gain, but I do know, without a doubt that it will come.
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