I had a session with a Reiki practitoner last week. It was interesting, but I'm left will all kinds of questions afterward. I woke up horribly dizzy that morning, so she did what she could to "ground" me, and it really did help. By the next day, the dizziness was gone.
As we started, she asked me to set an intention. I started with "contentment" but she said that I really can't have that since it's not part of my personality. I was a bit taken aback at that, to be honest. But she explained that I'm a dynamic person, one who does not accept the status quo, so contentment just might be beyond my reach.
So, we settled on 'acceptance' for my intention.
And then things got weird....and frustrating.
She said several cryptic things that I still haven't figured out much of anything. She told me that I need to be aware before I can accept, but wouldn't get more specific and that's driving me crazy. I said that I consider myself to be pretty self-aware, and her response was "self-aware, but not aware." Aware of what? What am I missing? Grrrr!!
That led to a bit of discussion about how not being aware can be a protective mechanism, which reminded me of when I was in college and had a really bad break up. I was absolutely convinced that we'd get back together, get married, and live happily ever after. I was slightly delusional (just a bit...shut up Trish!), but I also think it was my mind's way of protecting me. If I'd had to accept that all at once, in my emotionally fragile state, it would've been simply more than I could do. Over time, as I healed I gradually came to understand that things were over, and it was okay.
I mentioned this to her, and she said that I was missing a few steps in there. Okay......?
When talking about the dizziness, she said it was still around a bit and "we both know why." Um, no, no we don't!!
She had me choose colors and used those to choose scents for me. The first color that came into my head was red, but I went to purple instead. She asked for a second one and I said red, and then she chose a third scent. I recognized the first scent, but I can't recall now what it was. The second one smelled terrible. My first reaction to that was "YUCK!" The third one was very calming. I thought it was chamomile, but it was lavender. I think she was a bit surprised when I recognized it.
She placed a scented cloth over my eyes which smelled of grapefruit and I relished it. I finally asked her what that was about, and she turned it around on me, asking what it meant to me. I love the smell of grapefruit. I'm not as wild about the flavor, but the smell is one of my favorites, which begs the question of why. It's a crisp, zesty scent. Then she asked if I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. And grapefruits are a warm weather, tropical, SUNNY fruit. She told me that it would help to have grapefruits and other citrus around to help with the winter blahs that hit me so hard this time of year.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and some writing, but it's still so frustrating. I've said before that I'm a road map and reservation kinda girl. I want to know the answers and if I don't know the answer, I want to know where to find the answer. This isn't that kind of situation; at least, so far, I've resisted that route. We'll see how long that lasts as I'm curious and I'm sure my library will have some books on Reiki and the like.
She told me that I've got an inquisitive mind and that sometimes gets in the way of these things. So, for now, I've been just letting it lie and hoping for inspiration. But the inspiration and insight isn't coming and that bugs me. I want answers and I want the NOW, thankyouverymuch!
I know. You're shocked.
I did have one thought about the whole "aware but not aware" thing. I got to thinking of all the things that I'm aware of but I don't pay any attention to. Imagine trying to be aware of every single little thing around you. We'd go completely crazy with information overload! Our brains are, on some level, aware of all kinds of things that we don't pay any attention to. It filters all the input and shows us what we need to see. Sometimes our brain lets us down, though, and we miss something important.
I know I'm aware of all kinds of things in my house that I don't really pay attention to until it matters. For instance, I can tell you who is walking up the stairs while laying in my bed. I even do it when I'm asleep! Aware, but not aware.
So perhaps that applies in this situation too, though I haven't figured out quite how.
And it's annoying the tar out of me!
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