On Birthdays and Extended Family

(editted to fix the title....no idea how that happened!)

Bruce's birthday was this week. So was my Dad's, and MIL's.

On one side of the aisle, you have my parents.....

Dad is rather non-chalant about these things. He doesn't need or want anything, and he was perfectly happy with the kids calling to sing to him.

Mom, notsomuch.

She mails cards so that they arrive *on* the day. She was quite dismayed to realize that Monday, being a federal holiday, meant no mail, which screwed up her timeline. She was further dismayed to learn that Bruce would be out of town for his birthday. "But when will you celebrate?" she practically wails......Sunday, mom. "But that's not his biiiiirthdaaay." Mom, he's in his 40s. THE day isn't nearly so important as celebrating as a family.

In person, this statement would lead to a rather funny look, much like a dog looks when they're curious and confused....cocked head, ears up, etc. This statement simply DOES NOT compute for her.

On the other side of the aisle, we have the Outlaws.

*sigh*

MIL is getting older and more and more forgetful, so cards are a thing of the past. I don't think any of us are sad about this, and I've been careful not to mention anything about it either way to the kids. MIL's cards, in the past, were those flowery, over-the-top, sappy, drippy, and often religious things. Bleck!

And, of course, the Outlaws own one of those magic phones that only RECEIVES long-distance calls. So there was no phone call for Bruce's birthday.

Bruce forgot to call his mom ON her actual birthday, so he wished her a Happy Birthday this afternoon, apologizing for forgetting. MIL commented on it, and mentioned that everyone called except one SIL (the one married to my PITA-Presbyterian-Minister BIL; same family that "visited" less than an hour away last summer and didn't bother to call us and let us know....clearly there are issues there, and I'm sure one of them is "you didn't call me; I'm not calling you" fueled by her oh-so-helpful-husband. But I digress......)

Bruce mentioned all of this to me after he got off the phone (and after telling his mom she probably wouldn't recognize any of the kids *snerk*). I pointed out that the phone does, in fact, work both ways. Double standard much, MIL?

And that brings me to something interesting I've been thinking about lately.

MIL is 84 and not in the best of health. I'm trying to be compassionate about that, but it's somewhat like dealing with a rabid dog. You feel bad for the animal, but you don't put yourself in harm's way because of that compassion.

As I watched all of this unfold this week, the lesson really seemed to be one about giving. People love my husband. They love me and they love my children. In this earthly plane, much of that love is "earned" by our willingness to give to others. What you put out there comes back to you. Bruce is willing to loan out his trailer and/or his services to help neighbors and friends. He fixes broken doors and installs new doorknobs. He shows up when there's work to be done and he doesn't stop until the job is complete. In return, one neighbor generously snow-blows my driveway when Bruce is out of town. Another takes care of our pets when we travel. Need a rototiller? Someone's got one we can use.

I think you get the idea.

MIL, on the other hand, does very little. She doesn't mail cards anymore (her eyesight is failing) and she doesn't make phone calls. She's no longer willing to travel. It seems she's less and less involved at her church as well. And yet, she expects that people are falling all over themselves to show her how special she is on her special day.

Okey-dokey, MIL.

My mom....well, that's another post. :-)