On Writing

I entered the Iron Pen competition again this year (I did it in 2010), with a poem and a fictional story.  Essentially, it's a speed-writing contest.  You're given a "visual" writing prompt (a picture) and you have to come up with your submission based on that photo. 

The writing was a BLAST!  I had so much fun with the story and waiting to see where it would take me next.  I have to say, though, at first I was stumped.  The photo was not particularly inspiring.  Then I started brain-storming a bit.  First I was going to write a murder mystery, but I quickly shelved that plan.  Too many questions to answer in too few words (there's a 4000 word limit).  For a murder mystery, you have to have a victim, who has a life that led to his/her death.  You have to have a reason for the crime (I suppose it could be random, but where's the fun in that?!).  You have to have a murderer, and a connection between the two.  And it can't be obvious or the story's no fun.  Way too complicated for this contest. 

So the new story was born, out of the old one.  I thought it was really good.  And it was a crazy, wild ride, writing and seeing where the story went.  It truly had a mind of its own.  I did find myself doing a bunch of internet research, and I'd have LOVED to do more in-depth research using historical documents and the like, but at midnight on a Friday night, well, that's not possible.  I pored over maps, after rounding them up from 3 different vehicles.  I went back to National Parks brochures saved in my scrapbooking piles. 

And the story was born.

And it was good.  My neighbor did some proofing for me, since it's nearly impossible for me to do that when I was so close to it....I knew what I meant to say, so I wound up reading that on the page, whether or not those words were actually ON the page!  LOL!

Neighbor loved the story and added some crucial comments; questions left unanswered, that sort of thing. 

I turned it in. 

And I didn't win.

Disappointing, for sure.  But it wasn't about the destination.  The journey was very important for me.  I haven't been writing much in recent years.  The contest was a challenge I *almost* bailed out of at the last minute.  Simply completing the story was a victory.

And yet.

Dh thinks that the judges were looking for something specific.  The contest is in conjunction with a local arts festival, and there is a bit of an environmental leaning to it.  Dh he asked me who my audience was.  When I answered that it was your garden-variety historical fiction buff (just like myself), he pointed out that perhaps I should remember the judges. 

Which brings up something very interesting.  Do I write the story that is emerging, or do I write something I think will win?  Obviously, I chose the latter.  I was hoping that a good story would trump the (admittedly assumed) bias of the judges. 

Of course, there's always the possibility that mine was one of a number of good entries.   Perhaps it made a short list, but a few typos and at least one run-on sentence tanked me.  All things being equal, I suppose those things could've done me in.  I'm hoping that the winning entries are posted online (the author would need to give permission for that and some don't) so I can see what won.  I'm sure I can be objective....right?

It's also possible that it's not as good as I think it is.

Naaaaah!

What I Learned Working Full-Time

1.  My family is more and less capable than I thought.  On the one hand, they pulled together and things worked out.  On the other hand, lots of things that I normally do weren't done and no one really seemed to notice that they needed doing until it directly impacted them. 

Bruce had to be more of a parent because I couldn't, for any reason, leave my job, if the kids needed something.  He had to make and keep orthodontist appointments for the girls, for instance.  Thankfully, his job is pretty flexible and he could take care of things.

The kids became more inter-dependant, leaning on each other, because I wasn't as available.  Shannon helped Alana finish up a poster for her county report.  Tristan helped Shannon with her math homework (that one probably would've happened anyway because it's been a loooong time since either of her parents have done that stuff).  They also became even more independent, as well, solving problems on their own.  Some of that made me feel guilty, but then again, they have to grow up eventually.

Now, the laundry and much of the cleaning fell to the wayside.  It seemed as if I was the only one truly aware of how underwear gets from the hamper back into the drawers.  While they all have an idea of how this happens, planning for it is apparently impossible for anyone but me.  *sigh*

There were numerous cooking "experiments" that went awry, and I have to say that grocery shopping in the evenings or on the weekends was a huge challenge.  I like showing up to a nearly-empty store on a Tuesday morning, thankyouverymuch. 

2.  I drive a lot less when I'm working.  I usually average a tank of gas per week.  While working, that went to about a tank every two weeks.  So, while I felt guilty driving the mile to the school every morning rather than walking, in the end I used far less gas.

3.  I also spend less money when I'm working.  Payday would come and go and the money just hung out in my account.

4.  However, my drinking increased quite a bit.  I often had one of my "alcho-pops" while grading papers or inputting things into the computer.  The bottles piled up to prove it. 

5.  One would think that I'd eat less and potentially lose weight, being on a stricter schedule.  Notsomuch.  I'd have my smoothie for breakfast, a snack during morning recess, lunch, and then a snack after school, plus dinner.  I don't think I ate too much junk because I tried to keep healthy snacks as my only option, but I didn't lose any weight.  However, I didn't gain any either.

Would I do it again? 

I don't really know.

Crazy Dreams

I've had some really crazy dreams lately, and a good friend (Hi Trish!) said I should write a book. I'm not sure anyone would pay to read my craziness, so here it is for you to judge.

The first dream features said good friend. I'd been texting her off and on and she wasn't responding. I wasn't really upset about it. We both have busy lives with husbands, kids, jobs, church commitments, animals and homes. Texting is fabulous because we can "talk" in spurts whenever we've got a moment or two. Apparently Trish's work had been really busy so she hadn't answered me.

My subconscious apparently came up with reasons why and it was a doozy! LOL! In my dream, I got tired of not knowing what was going on, so I went to visit her. She was divorced, without telling me, and she'd moved. She was also head over heels in love with someone else. In addition, her husband's mother, who is wonderful, had turned mean and crazy, just like Trish's husband. he'd hid the crazy meanness for two years and then unleashed it on Trish, who divorced his butt and then fell in love with someone else. All without telling me!! I had to go visit to find all of this out.

As if that wasn't enough, she'd bought a new house that was really cool. It was almost a treehouse, and, upon waking, I found that my dream-Trish-house reminded me of what I think of when I read about ekeles in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar books. Seriously, the treehouse house was AWESOME!

Oh, and Trish could fly. Like Peter Pan, without wings, kinda swimming through the air.

And I couldn't. *frowny face*

A few nights later, I shared the crazy dream love with another friend/classmate. I haven't seen this gal in at least a decade as I don't recall if she made it to the reunions or not. I'm FaceBook friends with her, so I "see" her life there, but that's really the only contact I have with her.

In my dream, this classmate joined me at a Creative Memories convention. I have no idea why as she's not a CM Consultant, but whatever. Maybe she should be?

At the convention center, there was a bank, like the banks you have at grocery stores. Just a small branch, though larger than what I usually see around here, with a small waiting area, a coin counting machine, and maybe four tellers behind a counter. So my classmate goes into the bank, and the bank promptly gets held up. My classmate was then kidnapped by the bank robber. I could see this happening from a window outside, so I snuck into the side door of the bank and told one of the tellers to pull the money trap which would set off a silent alarm. Why the tellers were oblivious to the hold-up/kidnapping is beyond me, but they were, and no, I have no idea why they hadn't already set off the alarm, but there you go.

The alarm locked the bank doors, so the robber couldn't get back in, though he tried. Why? I don't know. So he went out the back of the convention center with my classmate. I followed them, as the only person in the entire convention to even notice there was a problem. The bad guy got away, but I couldn't find my classmate. Finally I found her in a hole, like dug in the dirt. She couldn't get out, but she was waving a construction sign and that's how I found her.

I guess I needed to be the hero?

In the latest crazy dream, I was starting my new subbing job, but when I got to the school, while hanging out in the teacher's room before school, I decided that another teacher needed my help, so I went to her classroom instead. In the dream, this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do as there was an aide or something in "my" room. But then the regular teacher showed up at school, still pregnant, and was wondering just what in the heck I was doing. She even said something like "Well, I was positive you could handle this, but now I'm not so sure" as we walked from to her class. Her kids had been unsupervised for a couple of hours, and were diligently working away on their math, bless their hearts.

That one was a bit easier to decipher it's meaning.......

Couponing Is Paying Off

I've been using coupons this year, and I've been tracking my coupon savings. Bruce points out that this is NOT the only way I save money....I LOVE sales and I adore those pretty little "manager's special" tags at my local grocery store for things that are discontinued or nearing their date or whatever.

But I can only track coupons.....

So far, this year, I've saved $221.93.

It takes me about an hour per week to clip, file, and sort them. So, 13 weeks into the year, that makes $17.07 per hour I'm earning/saving!

Me like my coupons!

A Conundrum

I play Words with Friends on Facebook and my phone. I really enjoy the game, and I love that it's portable and I can play when I have a moment. And I love the puzzle of it.

My sister and I were playing for awhile, and I realized pretty quickly that she was using the app to find good moves and words. My nephew texted me and told me she was cheating, but I already knew that. My reaction was not what DN expected, to say the least. The conversation went like this:

DN: She's cheating
Me: She wouldn't be the first. Did she download the app?
DN: An app
Me: Well, so far, she's not coming up with anything too off the wall
DN: You should pretend to be mad at her.
Me: Um, ok......tell your mom I'm mad at her for cheating.
Me: And I saw you roll your eyes
DN: HOW?!
Me: It's a mom thing. ROFL!

He really was expecting me to be mad. But really, it's just a game, and I knew she was using the app because her game-play style changed. And I still beat her. I think anyway. It didn't really seem important.

Now I'm playing with another friend. Our first game, I whipped her. Without using an app or a website. So, our second game started, and about halfway through, it became *very* clear that she was using the Words With Friends app. This app essentially looks at the game board and finds the very best move possible, including where to put it. It's not just a dictionary or word finder. It basically plays the game.

Seriously, what is the point? So she won. But she didn't. Her phone/computer beat me.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have used a word finder website from time to time, that takes my letters and shows me words I can create with them. I still have to see if the words will fit/work on the scrabble board, however. I often will throw letters on the board in the hopes that "ro" is a word (it's not, btw) or whatever, until I find something that works. And I never pass up an opportunity to use a bonus tile. But isn't that the whole point of the game?

And I'm annoyed. For no good reason, really. I want to call her out. But, I suspect she believes that *I'm* using the app or a similar one. And I'm not. Because if I did, again, what is the point? My app would be playing her app.

I guess I should be flattered? That it takes an app to beat me? But it still bugs me.

Changes.....

There are changes afoot at my house this spring. I've been offered, and have accepted, a long-term subbing position teaching 3rd grade for a teacher who is having a baby this week. I'll start after Spring Break, April 2nd to be exact, and I'll teach at least until Memorial Day. The teacher is planning to be back for the last week of school, but we'll see what motherhood brings for her.

Apparently, the teacher had one long-term sub lined up, but she cancelled. The next sub needed at least 10 days off over the next 8 weeks, which the principal felt was simply too much instability and upheaval for the kids, so she called me and asked if I was interested. With a bit of trepidation, I said yes. The teacher and I have talked quite a bit this week and she has great confidence in me. I'm not as confident, but I'll do my best, and I can wing it with the best of them. There will be field trips and end-of-year testing in there, which will give me a bit of a break, so we'll see how it all goes.

I'll be at Alana's elementary school, and while I've never taught in this particular class, I have worked with the special ed kids from her class when I subbed special ed a few weeks ago.

I'm a little worried about the home front, honestly. Our family is structured around my being at home, or mostly at home. The older kids are quite used to mom picking them up from school every afternoon, and Alana has really never known me to be anything other than a SAHM. But, this is a great opportunity, and I can do a service for this teacher who needs someone she can count on to take "her kids." I understand and appreciate that sentiment. I'm fortunate to have a supportive husband whose job is somewhat flexible. He's already scheduled to take Alana to a couple of her orthodontist appointments that are during school hours and can't be rescheduled.

I think the hardest part will be not having any alone time, or at least not having as much as I'm used to. As it is now, if I need a break, I simply choose not to work on a given day. And much of my free time has just flown out the window. But, really, it's only for 8-9 weeks. I'll live and appreciate summer all the more, I think.

On a more practical level, how in the world do I get the laundry and grocery shopping done?! I'm going to have to go shopping on Saturday or Sunday, and I have to tell you, the thought of the grocery store on Saturday gives me hives! I may just turn into one of those crazy people who haunts the halls of Walmart at 2:00 in the morning! LOL!

The Mystery (and Frustration) of Reiki

I had a session with a Reiki practitoner last week. It was interesting, but I'm left will all kinds of questions afterward. I woke up horribly dizzy that morning, so she did what she could to "ground" me, and it really did help. By the next day, the dizziness was gone.

As we started, she asked me to set an intention. I started with "contentment" but she said that I really can't have that since it's not part of my personality. I was a bit taken aback at that, to be honest. But she explained that I'm a dynamic person, one who does not accept the status quo, so contentment just might be beyond my reach.

So, we settled on 'acceptance' for my intention.

And then things got weird....and frustrating.

She said several cryptic things that I still haven't figured out much of anything. She told me that I need to be aware before I can accept, but wouldn't get more specific and that's driving me crazy. I said that I consider myself to be pretty self-aware, and her response was "self-aware, but not aware." Aware of what? What am I missing? Grrrr!!

That led to a bit of discussion about how not being aware can be a protective mechanism, which reminded me of when I was in college and had a really bad break up. I was absolutely convinced that we'd get back together, get married, and live happily ever after. I was slightly delusional (just a bit...shut up Trish!), but I also think it was my mind's way of protecting me. If I'd had to accept that all at once, in my emotionally fragile state, it would've been simply more than I could do. Over time, as I healed I gradually came to understand that things were over, and it was okay.

I mentioned this to her, and she said that I was missing a few steps in there. Okay......?

When talking about the dizziness, she said it was still around a bit and "we both know why." Um, no, no we don't!!

She had me choose colors and used those to choose scents for me. The first color that came into my head was red, but I went to purple instead. She asked for a second one and I said red, and then she chose a third scent. I recognized the first scent, but I can't recall now what it was. The second one smelled terrible. My first reaction to that was "YUCK!" The third one was very calming. I thought it was chamomile, but it was lavender. I think she was a bit surprised when I recognized it.

She placed a scented cloth over my eyes which smelled of grapefruit and I relished it. I finally asked her what that was about, and she turned it around on me, asking what it meant to me. I love the smell of grapefruit. I'm not as wild about the flavor, but the smell is one of my favorites, which begs the question of why. It's a crisp, zesty scent. Then she asked if I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. And grapefruits are a warm weather, tropical, SUNNY fruit. She told me that it would help to have grapefruits and other citrus around to help with the winter blahs that hit me so hard this time of year.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and some writing, but it's still so frustrating. I've said before that I'm a road map and reservation kinda girl. I want to know the answers and if I don't know the answer, I want to know where to find the answer. This isn't that kind of situation; at least, so far, I've resisted that route. We'll see how long that lasts as I'm curious and I'm sure my library will have some books on Reiki and the like.

She told me that I've got an inquisitive mind and that sometimes gets in the way of these things. So, for now, I've been just letting it lie and hoping for inspiration. But the inspiration and insight isn't coming and that bugs me. I want answers and I want the NOW, thankyouverymuch!

I know. You're shocked.

I did have one thought about the whole "aware but not aware" thing. I got to thinking of all the things that I'm aware of but I don't pay any attention to. Imagine trying to be aware of every single little thing around you. We'd go completely crazy with information overload! Our brains are, on some level, aware of all kinds of things that we don't pay any attention to. It filters all the input and shows us what we need to see. Sometimes our brain lets us down, though, and we miss something important.

I know I'm aware of all kinds of things in my house that I don't really pay attention to until it matters. For instance, I can tell you who is walking up the stairs while laying in my bed. I even do it when I'm asleep! Aware, but not aware.

So perhaps that applies in this situation too, though I haven't figured out quite how.

And it's annoying the tar out of me!