I need a little push to start journaling or blogging again, and I think there are things I need to discover about myself, but I’m not entirely sure what they are. So, I’m shamelessly stealing from a “guided journal” I bought. Well, I guess, since I bought it, it’s not stealing is it? Though I am inviting you, my 3 dear readers, to steal it and blog or journal yourself, so…..

Anyway, the book is called "The Woman’s Book of Confidence," by Sue Patton Thoele. From the inside front cover “Let us not wait until tomorrow—or eternity—to accept who we are. Let’s do it right now.”

And that’s the journey I’m on. I’m not the person I thought I would be when I imagined my life (who is?), and really, when I take off the “Mom” and “Wife” hats, I’m not entirely sure what’s left. There’s some good stuff there, for sure, and I want to delve deeper into that. As my kids get older and don’t need me for every little thing; as they enter school and are gone for hours at a time, I find myself with that time on my hands, and I wander a bit aimlessly. Sure, there’s laundry to do (always and forever….seriously, I can’t ever die because the laundry will NEVER be done…..I digress), bathrooms to clean, floors to mop and vacuum, walls and windows to wash, and so forth, but I just have the feeling that there’s something more to my life; something more I’m meant to be doing. Or maybe I’m just bored out of my head with the minutiae that occupies my days. Either which way, there’s more for me out there and I want to find it!

Another quote from the inside front cover “Use these pages to record your inspirations, your motivations, your victories, even your failures. Learn to love the skip of your own step, to gain confidence in the words that only you can hear. Learn to be the best you can be, right now”

The first section or chapter is titled “Reclaiming Childhood Dreams.” The introduction says, in part, “Many of the hopes, desires, and dreams we had as children were indicators fo the special gifts we brought into this life. If we have lost track of our dreams, we can reconnect with them now by encouraging ourselves to look back and explore them.”

Question 1: What make-believe did you revel in when you were little? Where did you go in your fantasy world?

It’s been fun to ponder this question. I remember pretending to be a princess, but not very often. The most vibrant and active make-believe took place in The Old West, probably inspired by watching “Little House on the Prairie” all the time. I loved that show (still do, much to my husband’s amusement). My sister and I would pretend we were settlers on the plains, harvesting grasses and the like, fashioning tools from sticks and vases or dishes from mud. We were attacked by fierce mountain lions, battled raging wildfires, and battening down the hatches in the face of tornadoes. Or, we’d hang out on my double bed, pretending it was a covered wagon headed west. Sometimes the bed became a ship, used to escape mean and nasty step-parents under cover of darkness.

What stands out to me in these memories is the sense of independence, and, too, the sense of being alone in the world with no one to protect us. Of course, we were pretending to BE adults, so maybe that’s where that comes from. Or maybe that’s what I perceived adulthood to be about, independent and alone? Hmmm…..must ponder that one some more. I often felt a sense of accomplishment, going about my “chores” in that little house out west. It felt good to be taking care of my imaginary kids (sometimes played by neighbor children). I remember thinking that the pioneer life was so. Much. WORK! LOL! And I suppose it was.